Slenderize with Vitamin C

The medical world has always fascinated me, as I love reading articles on beneficial components, cures, and diseases. While browsing through a journal, I cut ahead a heap of pages to land on a Vitamin C article. Wow...I do say, this vitamin is pretty amazing to fulfill our shallow desires (i.e. appearance). Besides reducing inflammation, preventing free-radicals, and reducing the odds for wrinkles, Vitamin C has been proven to directly affect ones mid-section, BMI, and blood fat levels.

Those who consumed diet high in the vitamin had smaller waist circumference, a low BMI, and far lower blood fat levels in their blood. This is because having high levels of Vitamin C in ones blood raises the metabolism to burn exclusively fat. Vitamin C has a relationship with the natural production of L-Carnitine--a vital component to carrying energy to each body cell. With low levels of Vitamin C, the L-Carnitine cannot be produced; thus, the body compensates by storing fat in the muscles.

It dawned on me then...when I was thoroughly Ana, the only foods I consumed had all been brimming with Vitamin C. So, perhaps the road back to Ana's perfectly bony arms is through my former diet...

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The Vitamin C Diet
+++++++++++++++

~Top Sources~

Citrus Fruits
Green Peppers
Strawberries
Tomatoes
Broccoli
Sweet Potatoes
~~~~~~~~~~~
~Other Sources~

Dark Leafy Greens
Cantaloupe
Papaya
Mango
Watermelon
Brussels Sprouts
Cauliflower
Cabbage
Red Peppers
Raspberries
Blueberries
Winter Squash
Pineapples

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Everything on this list is delicious; I do not remember a moment when I strayed from it because the food in the diet was always something to look forward to (different combos/preparation of the same foods = weight loss).


Let's give it another go,
                                ~Noi

A & B lead to C

It is not uncommon to fall down the winding path of self-destruction with an ED. Anorexics usually have qualities of perfectionism, persistent stubbornness, and obsessive compulsive tendencies. The are seen as unbuginging because of their strong will power and set guidelines, of which they can never stray. Bulimics are on a more radical scale, as their habits tend to be more cyclical than anorexics. They are extremists caught in a circle of poor impulse control, addiction, and are often drawn to extremities. However, the two do share a common playing ground of breaking points; self-revulsion and self-loathing can lead to self-harm (i.e. cutting.)

After my latest binge/purge, I was tipped to a breaking point where I made twenty slashes on my upper right thigh. I've never cut before, so this was a new experience entirely. With each cut, I felt my mind numb slightly more, as the anxieties of food drifted away to be replaced with the rising heat focused on my leg. I did not cry, instead watching how each long line paled on contact before pinking as the red came bubbling out.

But that was not the end--I feverishly scribbled terrible phrases and the word "fat" all over my body with a black marker. Standing in the shower two hours later, I could not help but find a hauntingly twisted beauty in how the blood swirled with the ink as the water sprinkled over the skin.

I've been told cutting is an addiction, as the cuts grow in quantity and depth with each breaking point of the soul.


Trying to avoid the serenity of the knife,
                                                 ~Noi

Rejection from the Inside

I think I have finally reached the point where my body just won't accept any breads/grains/carbs. Earlier, I was in a cooking mood; my plan was to cook for everyone else and to fast for the day. I made it to nine o'clock pm before I felt like I should eat something so, I made blueberry pancakes.

 I was picking at them while some were still in the pan but, I didn't feel much like eating the entire batch (which I probably would as a bulimic). Instead, I threw them away and rushed to the bathroom, throwing them up unintended. Only a clear, purple liquid came out, no solids, and I spent the rest of the night feeling thoroughly nauseous and shaky--of coarse, not eating anything else.

I suppose this is good in the long run but, I hate feeling ill. If anything, this rejection ordeal has completely broken whatever spirit I had left to eat "normally." Back to Ana's cold embrace from here...


To gain control is to lose weight,
                                       ~Noi

                               

Deteriorating Purity

People can't know
                  About this  C r e a t u r e  hidden inside.


                                                                                 With a pout that locks It  in,
                                       It  peeks out at the world through pools of  G r e y  ,
                     It  glares and gleams,
The pernicious  M i n x 
              Has only  H a v o c  on It's  agenda.


                           Tearing from loose threads,
                                                       It  paces in the mind;
                                                                                     Its  claws gashing  I n s i d e  ,


A masochistic twitch coagulating in Its  being.
                                          The flinting flock of  I n n e r  P e a c e
                   Is left  V i c t i m  to Its  insatiable  H u n g e r  .


                                                                Crimson dribbles over untainted  I n n o c e n c e 
                                As It  sadistically takes  S i n f u l  P l e a s u r e  in
C o r r u p t i o n  from the inside out.


                                                     The prison grows  F r a g i l e  ,
                                                                            Teeth chewing and rouge smearing,

          The  E n d  draws nearer.


                                                                       The  B e a s t  grins in Its  own  M a d n e s s  .
                          Hissing  L i e  after  L i e  as the lips part.


Bones jut out and pinching becomes a  R i t u a l  . . .
                                                                   Silence settles.


         Remaining  W i l l  P o w e r  is consumed and
                                               Cold, salty morose over flows  G r e y  windows;
                                                         The  S o u l  once trapped with the  M o n s t e r
                                  Fading into  N o t h i n g n e s s  .


The  H o l l o w  domain can no longer cage the  S e c r e t  ,

                                                           As the  T r u t h  is blatant and  R e a l i t y  is harsh.

Gaga Goes Gaunt

MTV likes to throw on strings of videos from the same artists now and again; while watching one of these slews featuring Lady Gaga it suddenly dawned on me...a dramatic amount of weight was lost from the beginning of her career to today. Comparing "Poker Face" Gaga to the tinier version in her "Born This Way" music video got me questioning how she lost so much.

According to British news, Gaga lost weight from restricting her food sources to only vegetables and fish (eliminating all carbs). However, restriction became harsher as her fame grew. Later in her career, Gaga switched to the Goo Diet (more commonly known in Hollywood as the Baby Food Diet). However, it wasn't Gaga that wanted to shed the pounds. The driving force behind it all was and is Gaga's "people." Her producers attempted to cover her average size by draping fabrics over her behind and using softly focused lenses for the camera but, in the end, she was simply instructed to not eat.

Off-handingly, she mentioned always being hungry. Combining her strictly restricted diet with dance training, religious exercise, and fame pressure, Lady Gaga shrunk from 120 lbs to a svelte 95 lbs.
If you ask me, she is a great thinspiration--not only from her body image but, also from determined struggle (which we can all relate to).


Slimming down for skin and bones,
                                       ~Noi

Dirty Little Secrets

Has anyone every considered that life would be so much more simpler without the complexity of an ED? I was reviewing some old pictures of myself and...well, I just seemed so much happier without Ana or Mia. Not much that I can do about it now, because, as we all know, you may physically recover from your ED but it will always be there--scratching at the back of your head, slumbering until it is triggered again (hence relapses).

Not that I mind having this "dirty little secret" so to say, because, if anything, it me meaning. I'm striving for perfection. Definitely not a simple task but, it's something to live for. I want to be envied and desired, I want to be able to accept my reflection and the numbers I'm scaled by. I want to be able to have fun shopping for myself. I remember the first day I ever started fasting was right after I tried on a size 3 pair of jeans and it did not fit. Disgust is not my favorite of emotions, though it works well as a motivation.

I binged badly today, devouring a whole carton of saltine crackers (I hadn't had one in two years) and a bag of mixed nuts. My plan was full proof and I managed to screw up. God, I'm such a fucking failure. I immediately chugged three cups of senna tea mixed with Miralax, popped 5 Alli pills, 6 Slimquick pills, and 3 Dulcolax pills. My body is probably in a state of confusion right now...

I've already decided my punishment anyhow...I'm going to fast for three days. Straight up water fast, no lenience of liquid fasting this time.

School starts up again on the 23rd, I should have enough time to drop--though, it goes without saying restriction is going to be more serious once I get back (three jobs should keep me distracted).


Cheers for Day 1 of the fast,
                              ~Noi

Cultural Standards of Weight

Beyond the ED community there are set standards of one's size depending upon the surrounding environment. In most dense Caucasian societies, such as the UK and the US, there is a stressed focus on voluptuous women (i.e. large breasts and bum/also known as curvy). The is quite counter-intuitive for Pro Anas, as we aim for a smaller, lighter perfection--which is probably why our life style is frowned upon by some.

In my lifetime, I have been fortunate enough to be a world traveler...and I can definitely vouch for this but, there are other areas where the petite, pixie like image of Ana is hailed as much as it is in the ED community. For instance, in most parts of Asia the entire culture embraces a set weight/tiny figure. As I do have an Asian background, I have noticed the standards differ slightly in each country.

In China, there is a saying that "A good girl shouldn't weigh more than 100 lbs." If you happened to be sitting in a restaurant, being obviously heavier than 100 lbs, the other customers are terribly mean at poking rude comments at you--especially if you are not eating lite (though this is not just limited to restaurants). Not to mention, not weighing less brings shame to your family.

In South Korea, not being skinny (or any where near it) was as reprehensible as coming home with a report card full of F's (and we all know how horrific that is...especially in an Asian household). I have seen mothers forbidding their children to eat and giving them special Asian diet pills.

Asia has an extremely pressured atmosphere for being stick skinny; while it does serve to tear your self-esteem apart, it does surround you with 24/7 walking thinspo and access to FDA banned diet pills.So, good or bad, it gets you where you want.


Embrace the Asian invasion,
                                 ~Noi

Decoding Your Cravings

To be skinny, one must first enter a diet. Sure, you can exercise but, in reality, weight loss is 90% diet and 10% exercise. As you may have noticed, from whatever meal plan you take part in (as this applies to all), is that you have weak moments where you are highly likely to stray from your set path. Indulging in such episodes will result in: weight gain, guilt, remorse, hatred, sorrow, pain, etc. etc.

Of coarse, you don't want that. So, you need to become familiar with what your brain REALLY is desiring when a craving strikes (P.S. opt for your "safe" food from the choices, I included options that apply to an omnivore diet. If you are vegan--like me--or vegetarian <lacto-ovo, lacto, or ovo> obviously choose what applies to your diet.)

If you crave this...	What you really need is...	And here are foods that have it:
Chocolate	Magnesium	Raw nuts and seeds, legumes, fruits
Sweets	Chromium	Broccoli, grapes, cheese, dried beans, calves liver, chicken
	Carbon	Fresh fruits
	Phosphorus	Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes, grains
	Sulfur	Cranberries, horseradish, cruciferous vegetables, kale, cabbage
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
Bread, toast, carbs	Nitrogen	High protein foods: fish, meat, nuts, beans
Oily snacks, fatty foods	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Coffee or tea	Phosphorous	Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes
	Sulfur	Egg yolks, red peppers, muscle protein, garlic, onion, cruciferous vegetables
	NaCl (salt)	Sea salt, apple cider vinegar (on salad)
	Iron	Meat, fish and poultry, seaweed, greens, black cherries
Alcohol, recreational drugs	Protein	Meat, poultry, seafood, dairy, nuts
	Avenin	Granola, oatmeal
	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
	Glutamine	Supplement glutamine powder for withdrawal, raw cabbage juice
	Potassium	Sun-dried black olives, potato peel broth, seaweed, bitter greens
Chewing ice	Iron	Meat, fish, poultry, seaweed, greens, black cherries
Burnt food	Carbon	Fresh fruits
Soda and other carbonated drinks	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Salty foods	Chloride	Raw goat milk, fish, unrefined sea salt
Acid foods	Magnesium	Raw nuts and seeds, legumes, fruits
Preference for liquids rather than solids	Water	Flavor water with lemon or lime. You need 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Preference for solids rather than liquids	Water	You have been so dehydrated for so long that you have lost your thirst. Flavor water with lemon or lime. You need 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Cool drinks	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
Pre-menstrual cravings	Zinc	Red meats (especially organ meats), seafood, leafy vegetables, root vegetables
General overeating	Silicon	Nuts, seeds; avoid refined starches
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements or orange, green, red fruits and vegetables
Lack of appetite	Vitamin B1	Nuts, seeds, beans, liver and other organ meats
	Vitamin B3	Tuna, halibut, beef, chicken, turkey, pork, seeds and legumes
	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
	Chloride	Raw goat milk, unrefined sea salt
Tobacco	Silicon	Nuts, seeds; avoid refined starches
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements or orange, green and red fruits and vegetables