Dear Body...

Dear Body,

I am sorry. I am so very sorry for what I've put you under. I want to love you but, I can't.

Lured in by the intoxication of food, I try to nourish you right--then Mia steps in and I just can't stop filling you up to the brim with every morsel I desire. It hurts, being this full. Your poor abdomen bloats right out. I feel pregnant. Stomach swollen, diaphragm struggling to expand with air. I am disgusted.

What have I done? I'm sorry, Body, I'll fix this. I'll make you comfortable. In a mania, a frenzy, I search frantically for a safe area to evacuate the solemn sin that I have forsaken you with. Longer than my fingers, I force foreign objects part way down your entrance. Tickling and swirling them ever so until...YES! Success!! The horrid concoction erupts forth, spilling out in an uneven texture. Begone wretched greed. The act continues, my stomach shrinking back, a hollow between my ribs.

Better? I promise I won't do this to again, Body. In fact, I promise that this situation will never come up again because I will keep you empty,  pure of all desires. After all Ana knows best.

Time passes. You are still "pure." You protest against my will power; begging, groaning, urging me to allow something to flow through your system. I want to nourish you, believe me I do, but, I can't risk it. More time passes. Will power shatters. I let food pass my lips. Oh no....it begins again. Binge, binge, binge. Purge...

Guilt washes over me. I hate this. I hate you, Body. You did this to me. You tempted me and now, I'm going to starve you. Starve off those ugly rolls of FAT dripping off of your frame. Let me see the pure sight of only bones, untouched by the evil known as Gluttony.
I want to love you, Body. I really do. So let me.


Let's be more than love/hate,
                                         ~Noi