Substituting Sex for Food

I think I have stumbled upon the most brilliant idea ever...why should I bother eating when I can, instead, indulge in physical pleasure? Not only is it a great distraction but, a roll in the sack burns calories.

Kissing burns 68 calories per hour.
Undressing burns 10 calories.
Massaging burns 80+ calories per hour.
Sex burns 288+ calories per half hour.
Giving oral sex burns 100+ calories per half hour.
Feeling up/touching burns 100 calories per hour.
Making out burns 238 calories per half hour.

Sexual acts also release a tons of chemicals in the brain, that can suppress the appetite and create a greater sense of euphoria (a natural high)--such as prolactin, oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline, seratonin, and phenylethylamine.

Incidently, I am a virgin...but I already have decided on a fellow to play with (check last post). I cannot even begin to express how exciting this new world seems to me, as I am quite the natural. I have no doubt in the least that I won't turn into a nympho after the whole fiasco, as the guy is terribly knowledgeable (no qualms sharing either). While it still feels as if I should care that I am to lose my v-card as "the mistress" in an affair, it honestly does not bother me (I'm sure I just pissed off the entire female race with that point).


Playing with fire has never been more fun,
                                                   ~Noi

The Other Woman

In life, it is hard to find someone who is truly, sincerely genuine. Now, I go out and party every weekend--because let's face it, it's nice to let go and enjoy yourself after a tiring week of studying and school work. When I got back to my dorm on Friday, in my tipsy state (not wasted but just enough of a buzz) I went to go chill in the 2nd floor lounge and see who was still up at 2-3 AM. I was chatting and just hanging around the few guys that had also just got back from partying until around 4ish. At this time I had already walked around the dorm a bit, sobering up, and got back to the 2nd floor to find only one guy remained.

I always had a peculiar vibe about this certain individual, and I never was able to quite place the reason why. I headed back to his room on an invitation, not thinking much of it besides a casual sleep over. In the morning, I discovered he was not single (long-distance) but, this did not bother me...

I knew this fellow for a matter of three days, all the while growing to enjoy his company as he does amuse me...and I like to be amused. Not to mention, he is such a caring person--and it's hard to find legitilly genuine people. He's convinced we're besties now, especially after seeing my cut marks and learning a bit about my past (though ED is still a secret). He says he likes how I don't play dumb as a smart girl and how I can talk so casually about anything.

I suppose we'll see where this goes...as our secret relation is not solely verbal.


Drawn to the flame,
                     ~Noi

Slenderize with Vitamin C

The medical world has always fascinated me, as I love reading articles on beneficial components, cures, and diseases. While browsing through a journal, I cut ahead a heap of pages to land on a Vitamin C article. Wow...I do say, this vitamin is pretty amazing to fulfill our shallow desires (i.e. appearance). Besides reducing inflammation, preventing free-radicals, and reducing the odds for wrinkles, Vitamin C has been proven to directly affect ones mid-section, BMI, and blood fat levels.

Those who consumed diet high in the vitamin had smaller waist circumference, a low BMI, and far lower blood fat levels in their blood. This is because having high levels of Vitamin C in ones blood raises the metabolism to burn exclusively fat. Vitamin C has a relationship with the natural production of L-Carnitine--a vital component to carrying energy to each body cell. With low levels of Vitamin C, the L-Carnitine cannot be produced; thus, the body compensates by storing fat in the muscles.

It dawned on me then...when I was thoroughly Ana, the only foods I consumed had all been brimming with Vitamin C. So, perhaps the road back to Ana's perfectly bony arms is through my former diet...

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
The Vitamin C Diet
+++++++++++++++

~Top Sources~

Citrus Fruits
Green Peppers
Strawberries
Tomatoes
Broccoli
Sweet Potatoes
~~~~~~~~~~~
~Other Sources~

Dark Leafy Greens
Cantaloupe
Papaya
Mango
Watermelon
Brussels Sprouts
Cauliflower
Cabbage
Red Peppers
Raspberries
Blueberries
Winter Squash
Pineapples

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Everything on this list is delicious; I do not remember a moment when I strayed from it because the food in the diet was always something to look forward to (different combos/preparation of the same foods = weight loss).


Let's give it another go,
                                ~Noi

A & B lead to C

It is not uncommon to fall down the winding path of self-destruction with an ED. Anorexics usually have qualities of perfectionism, persistent stubbornness, and obsessive compulsive tendencies. The are seen as unbuginging because of their strong will power and set guidelines, of which they can never stray. Bulimics are on a more radical scale, as their habits tend to be more cyclical than anorexics. They are extremists caught in a circle of poor impulse control, addiction, and are often drawn to extremities. However, the two do share a common playing ground of breaking points; self-revulsion and self-loathing can lead to self-harm (i.e. cutting.)

After my latest binge/purge, I was tipped to a breaking point where I made twenty slashes on my upper right thigh. I've never cut before, so this was a new experience entirely. With each cut, I felt my mind numb slightly more, as the anxieties of food drifted away to be replaced with the rising heat focused on my leg. I did not cry, instead watching how each long line paled on contact before pinking as the red came bubbling out.

But that was not the end--I feverishly scribbled terrible phrases and the word "fat" all over my body with a black marker. Standing in the shower two hours later, I could not help but find a hauntingly twisted beauty in how the blood swirled with the ink as the water sprinkled over the skin.

I've been told cutting is an addiction, as the cuts grow in quantity and depth with each breaking point of the soul.


Trying to avoid the serenity of the knife,
                                                 ~Noi

Rejection from the Inside

I think I have finally reached the point where my body just won't accept any breads/grains/carbs. Earlier, I was in a cooking mood; my plan was to cook for everyone else and to fast for the day. I made it to nine o'clock pm before I felt like I should eat something so, I made blueberry pancakes.

 I was picking at them while some were still in the pan but, I didn't feel much like eating the entire batch (which I probably would as a bulimic). Instead, I threw them away and rushed to the bathroom, throwing them up unintended. Only a clear, purple liquid came out, no solids, and I spent the rest of the night feeling thoroughly nauseous and shaky--of coarse, not eating anything else.

I suppose this is good in the long run but, I hate feeling ill. If anything, this rejection ordeal has completely broken whatever spirit I had left to eat "normally." Back to Ana's cold embrace from here...


To gain control is to lose weight,
                                       ~Noi

                               

Deteriorating Purity

People can't know
                  About this  C r e a t u r e  hidden inside.


                                                                                 With a pout that locks It  in,
                                       It  peeks out at the world through pools of  G r e y  ,
                     It  glares and gleams,
The pernicious  M i n x 
              Has only  H a v o c  on It's  agenda.


                           Tearing from loose threads,
                                                       It  paces in the mind;
                                                                                     Its  claws gashing  I n s i d e  ,


A masochistic twitch coagulating in Its  being.
                                          The flinting flock of  I n n e r  P e a c e
                   Is left  V i c t i m  to Its  insatiable  H u n g e r  .


                                                                Crimson dribbles over untainted  I n n o c e n c e 
                                As It  sadistically takes  S i n f u l  P l e a s u r e  in
C o r r u p t i o n  from the inside out.


                                                     The prison grows  F r a g i l e  ,
                                                                            Teeth chewing and rouge smearing,

          The  E n d  draws nearer.


                                                                       The  B e a s t  grins in Its  own  M a d n e s s  .
                          Hissing  L i e  after  L i e  as the lips part.


Bones jut out and pinching becomes a  R i t u a l  . . .
                                                                   Silence settles.


         Remaining  W i l l  P o w e r  is consumed and
                                               Cold, salty morose over flows  G r e y  windows;
                                                         The  S o u l  once trapped with the  M o n s t e r
                                  Fading into  N o t h i n g n e s s  .


The  H o l l o w  domain can no longer cage the  S e c r e t  ,

                                                           As the  T r u t h  is blatant and  R e a l i t y  is harsh.

Gaga Goes Gaunt

MTV likes to throw on strings of videos from the same artists now and again; while watching one of these slews featuring Lady Gaga it suddenly dawned on me...a dramatic amount of weight was lost from the beginning of her career to today. Comparing "Poker Face" Gaga to the tinier version in her "Born This Way" music video got me questioning how she lost so much.

According to British news, Gaga lost weight from restricting her food sources to only vegetables and fish (eliminating all carbs). However, restriction became harsher as her fame grew. Later in her career, Gaga switched to the Goo Diet (more commonly known in Hollywood as the Baby Food Diet). However, it wasn't Gaga that wanted to shed the pounds. The driving force behind it all was and is Gaga's "people." Her producers attempted to cover her average size by draping fabrics over her behind and using softly focused lenses for the camera but, in the end, she was simply instructed to not eat.

Off-handingly, she mentioned always being hungry. Combining her strictly restricted diet with dance training, religious exercise, and fame pressure, Lady Gaga shrunk from 120 lbs to a svelte 95 lbs.
If you ask me, she is a great thinspiration--not only from her body image but, also from determined struggle (which we can all relate to).


Slimming down for skin and bones,
                                       ~Noi