Mia, Gluttony, and Desire

I've been contemplating a lot about Mia lately. My meals begin with a planned out control that I will keep to my designated safe foods but then, I feel Mia coo out to me. 

"Why are you eating salad? That spaghetti sure looks good. Yum yum carbs...go find out how delicious it is."

"Oooo they have apple and raspberry turnovers today. Go eat it. Now!"

"That cereal sure looks like something you'd never eat, go on...try it."

My brow scrunches, eyes shut. "Stop it!! Please!!!"

Mia ignores my protests, her overwhelming desire to fill my mouth with iced confectioneries looms over my being. Her impatience vibrates to the very core of my soul until...I break.

Will power lost, I frantically obey; ravaging all sweet morsels that are forced past my lips.

The frenzy of food sickens me. I become uncomfortably full and then guilt replaces gluttony--washing over me like a cold shower. It hurts to purge so much for so long. I always have to drain everything out, even my safe foods.Throat raw, my hands look so very dried out from the massive loss of fluids from vomiting. The stomach acid also leaks over my fingers, removing nail polish and devouring the first layer of surface skin on my hands. 

Why doesn't anyone else see this madness happening to me? I wobble and stumble after each purge, lightheaded and dehydrated, a constant pounding in my skull. 

I think having an eating disorder makes it only evident to those who are on or have been on the same path. Unaffiliated others can only be suspicious and often tire of wondering and forget the very idea. 

Mia frightens me. More so than Ana, because with Ana, I feel free. Clean. Pure. I am alive, I shout throughout my being, I exist and I am invincible. However, with Mia...there's nothing more I want to do than die. She hurts me and torments me. I don't like purging, feeling guilty, hating every inch of my flesh. 

I should return to Ana. I am done with Mia's sadistic merry-go-round.

And even though I write this out to you, my dear reader, I cannot honestly say, "I will never binge and purge again." Because you know what? I'm inevitably will. God, I am such a weakling.

Hating everything,

                    ~Noi

Dear Body...

Dear Body,

I am sorry. I am so very sorry for what I've put you under. I want to love you but, I can't.

Lured in by the intoxication of food, I try to nourish you right--then Mia steps in and I just can't stop filling you up to the brim with every morsel I desire. It hurts, being this full. Your poor abdomen bloats right out. I feel pregnant. Stomach swollen, diaphragm struggling to expand with air. I am disgusted.

What have I done? I'm sorry, Body, I'll fix this. I'll make you comfortable. In a mania, a frenzy, I search frantically for a safe area to evacuate the solemn sin that I have forsaken you with. Longer than my fingers, I force foreign objects part way down your entrance. Tickling and swirling them ever so until...YES! Success!! The horrid concoction erupts forth, spilling out in an uneven texture. Begone wretched greed. The act continues, my stomach shrinking back, a hollow between my ribs.

Better? I promise I won't do this to again, Body. In fact, I promise that this situation will never come up again because I will keep you empty,  pure of all desires. After all Ana knows best.

Time passes. You are still "pure." You protest against my will power; begging, groaning, urging me to allow something to flow through your system. I want to nourish you, believe me I do, but, I can't risk it. More time passes. Will power shatters. I let food pass my lips. Oh no....it begins again. Binge, binge, binge. Purge...

Guilt washes over me. I hate this. I hate you, Body. You did this to me. You tempted me and now, I'm going to starve you. Starve off those ugly rolls of FAT dripping off of your frame. Let me see the pure sight of only bones, untouched by the evil known as Gluttony.
I want to love you, Body. I really do. So let me.


Let's be more than love/hate,
                                         ~Noi

Empty Satisfaction

I feel like I'm balancing on the edge of a knife. Stability is but a wandering newspaper caught in a breeze; it is a loss of control with each draft. This is the reality for me. Securely strapped on the leash of Ana and Mia; my mistress changing in this constant battle, this struggle against the collar. I may fight back but, I do not intend to break free. I am a pet that knows not to bite back.

The allure of indulging coos to me, whether it is by satiation by food, sex, or my own vanity. There is a definite connection between bulimia and sexual promiscurity  we are physically gluttonous, constantly searching to trigger a dopamine rush. Life would be so much easier if such a hormonal chemical would just come in pill form...yet I cannot help but imagine a bulimic downing the entire bottle in a mania to fill the emptiness we feel in our souls.

As for Ana, and our twisted obsession with low numbers, with protruding bones...she is indeed an encomposing, devouring force. The cold reminds me of her; soft autumn breezes striking as sharp razors as the scales number dips lower and lower. A sign of progression is what you'll tell yourself. Building a impenetrable wall of will power against the evils that go into the disgusting hole humans call "the mouth." Low sugar, low fat, low carb...or better yet, zero calories--the phrase that sends anorexics into a delightful frenzy. We diet, we fast, all the while telling ourselves "Twenty seconds on the lips, forever on the hips." How catchy, how hypnotic.

The truth of the matter is that once the seed of ED has been planted, there is no uprooting it. It is a weed of the mind, grasping our entire being and never letting go. Our bodies become our cages, and so we search for a key that does not exist. Oh well. Our trust can only go to Ana and Mia, let's hope they spare some of our sanity.


Striving and starving for perfection,
                                                  ~Noi

Here...again

When I discontinued my stories, I felt more so comfortable with myself. And as all things go in life, consistency is impossible to stabilize. So here I am...again...documenting my shattered soul in black pixels; appealing as a passing interest to all who dare read this heart on my sleeve.

While Ana's call has been turned down to a alluring whisper in the back of my mind, Mia has jumped to the plate, constantly belting out her sirens call. To divulge further,  I have been on her erratic regime of at least two binge/purge episodes a day.

It just sometimes feels like, I'd rather of not slipped into this abyss of a rabbit hole. My enamel is deteriorating, I get a high of being dizzy, and the sadistic duo, Miana, is bleeding me dry. I know what kind of net I've been trapped in, but the thing is...I don't want to escape. I suppose that makes me sound like a masochist. :/

I am so very tired of pretending I'm fine.  Let's be honest, it really is the biggest lie in the world to say "I'm fine/ok." And yet, I can't display my genuine emotions for fear of drawing attention to myself. Goodness...I just...want to experience my cycle of masochism & sadism alone. I think that says it all there...Miana is a routine S & M tyrant.


For all those out there reading, I do believe this is my return. I am home.

~Noi

Pleasant Surprises

Because I am far, far away from my scale in college, I haven't kept track of any numbers in a long while. However, I can usually guess where I am--last year I was obsessed with the scale numbers so, I can judge where I am by glancing in the mirror.
BUT!!!
Since, I just haven't had any appetite, I quite literally stopped eating (check the former plan/last post).

Out of sheer curiosity today, I borrowed my roomie's measuring tape. The results surprised me...I'm back to a 24 in. waistline. Of coarse, the comments I have been getting when people come into contact with me (yoga buddies, hugging, etc.) never sunk in until I saw that beautiful 24 on the tape. I've heard, "You're so tiny, I feel like I'm going to break you," "You remind me of a pixie--so cute and skinny," "You're so light, if I threw you in the air the wind would probably take you away." Music to my ears.

Funny thing is, is that I wasn't even aiming to lose weight...I just wanted to have an empty, flat stomach to impress my lovers. I mean, sex would just be awful if I was full; I would too self-conscious of my food baby and that would affect my performance and enjoyment.


Laughs aside, I am simply ecstatic <3 ,
                               ~Noi

I've Got A System :D

So...I've finally reached the point where I've fallen into a regular plan--which is quite great because I can tolerate it and, as we all know as EDs, repetition is a great form of closure and control.
Here's how it works for me...I stick to an extremely low calorie liquid diet (think crystal light and diet snapple). However, there are moments when I want the sensation of chewing solids so...in this case, I either retreat into solitude, where I can chew and spit without judgement or I eat but, I purge immediately until I see the first thing I've swallowed. In the case of purging, I know I can get just about everything out (the lovely feeling of a flat tummy and hollow spot between my ribs tells me when I am empty) but, for the remaining bits and pieces that I can simply not remove, I pop some lax and 6 hours later I feel beautifully empty again.

I must say, this system is really working for me; my bones jut out without me lying flat on my back and the gap between my thighs has noticeably grown. I am so happy with my progress, I really really am ecstatic. In the case of the energy boost I need from lack of food, I have some caffeine pills or I chug a sugar-free energy drink (only 20 calories at most in a can!!).

The blue in my nails has also returned, along with the prolonged feeling of being cold. This is great! I'd say, if anything at all, the heartbroken feeling I experienced with the boy two posts ago was the perfect motivation to get back in the groove of things. It gave me a creepy déjà vu of 2010 when I started starving to perfection to spite another boy whom had bruised, not broken, my heart. I mean, if you think about it, isn't improving your appearance the best revenge? In my mind, it sure beats emotionally eating your way to a disgusting gluttonous mess. I admit, yes, I am emotionally damaged but, there's no way I'm going to let that stop me from embracing the Ana/Mia lifestyle.


Find what works for you,
                         ~Noi

Boys are Stupid

Hi. It's been a while, everyone...I believe last time I wrote life was being seen in a brighter light. That's not the case now. The boy that I was so indefinitely ecstatic about--well, he had his fun, I started liking him, and...then life came crashing down. After a week of enjoying each others company, I felt like he was solely seeing me as booty call so, I had sex with another boy to spite him. I know, I know....I'm such an incessant twat. I lost my virginity to another to spite a guy I was slowly falling for. Stupid girl, why do people bother getting emotionally attached? I hate it, especially since I'm so emotionally damaged that I never make mistakes in the quarrels of love--but I let down those walls because there was a trust between us (I'm quite gifted at reading people and sorting out those who are not genuine).

His girlfriend is coming over for the Mac Miller concert this weekend. I'm happy that he has someone he has found love with but, I can't help my feelings from growing. I want to be platonic with him; cut out the complexity because I do enjoy him as a person but, I know this is all going to be very difficult. I'm never going to be good enough to deserve love, will I? It can never exist in my world.

This hurts...this really, really hurts....


Help me,                   
           ~Noi

Substituting Sex for Food

I think I have stumbled upon the most brilliant idea ever...why should I bother eating when I can, instead, indulge in physical pleasure? Not only is it a great distraction but, a roll in the sack burns calories.

Kissing burns 68 calories per hour.
Undressing burns 10 calories.
Massaging burns 80+ calories per hour.
Sex burns 288+ calories per half hour.
Giving oral sex burns 100+ calories per half hour.
Feeling up/touching burns 100 calories per hour.
Making out burns 238 calories per half hour.

Sexual acts also release a tons of chemicals in the brain, that can suppress the appetite and create a greater sense of euphoria (a natural high)--such as prolactin, oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline, seratonin, and phenylethylamine.

Incidently, I am a virgin...but I already have decided on a fellow to play with (check last post). I cannot even begin to express how exciting this new world seems to me, as I am quite the natural. I have no doubt in the least that I won't turn into a nympho after the whole fiasco, as the guy is terribly knowledgeable (no qualms sharing either). While it still feels as if I should care that I am to lose my v-card as "the mistress" in an affair, it honestly does not bother me (I'm sure I just pissed off the entire female race with that point).


Playing with fire has never been more fun,
                                                   ~Noi

The Other Woman

In life, it is hard to find someone who is truly, sincerely genuine. Now, I go out and party every weekend--because let's face it, it's nice to let go and enjoy yourself after a tiring week of studying and school work. When I got back to my dorm on Friday, in my tipsy state (not wasted but just enough of a buzz) I went to go chill in the 2nd floor lounge and see who was still up at 2-3 AM. I was chatting and just hanging around the few guys that had also just got back from partying until around 4ish. At this time I had already walked around the dorm a bit, sobering up, and got back to the 2nd floor to find only one guy remained.

I always had a peculiar vibe about this certain individual, and I never was able to quite place the reason why. I headed back to his room on an invitation, not thinking much of it besides a casual sleep over. In the morning, I discovered he was not single (long-distance) but, this did not bother me...

I knew this fellow for a matter of three days, all the while growing to enjoy his company as he does amuse me...and I like to be amused. Not to mention, he is such a caring person--and it's hard to find legitilly genuine people. He's convinced we're besties now, especially after seeing my cut marks and learning a bit about my past (though ED is still a secret). He says he likes how I don't play dumb as a smart girl and how I can talk so casually about anything.

I suppose we'll see where this goes...as our secret relation is not solely verbal.


Drawn to the flame,
                     ~Noi

Slenderize with Vitamin C

The medical world has always fascinated me, as I love reading articles on beneficial components, cures, and diseases. While browsing through a journal, I cut ahead a heap of pages to land on a Vitamin C article. Wow...I do say, this vitamin is pretty amazing to fulfill our shallow desires (i.e. appearance). Besides reducing inflammation, preventing free-radicals, and reducing the odds for wrinkles, Vitamin C has been proven to directly affect ones mid-section, BMI, and blood fat levels.

Those who consumed diet high in the vitamin had smaller waist circumference, a low BMI, and far lower blood fat levels in their blood. This is because having high levels of Vitamin C in ones blood raises the metabolism to burn exclusively fat. Vitamin C has a relationship with the natural production of L-Carnitine--a vital component to carrying energy to each body cell. With low levels of Vitamin C, the L-Carnitine cannot be produced; thus, the body compensates by storing fat in the muscles.

It dawned on me then...when I was thoroughly Ana, the only foods I consumed had all been brimming with Vitamin C. So, perhaps the road back to Ana's perfectly bony arms is through my former diet...

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
The Vitamin C Diet
+++++++++++++++

~Top Sources~

Citrus Fruits
Green Peppers
Strawberries
Tomatoes
Broccoli
Sweet Potatoes
~~~~~~~~~~~
~Other Sources~

Dark Leafy Greens
Cantaloupe
Papaya
Mango
Watermelon
Brussels Sprouts
Cauliflower
Cabbage
Red Peppers
Raspberries
Blueberries
Winter Squash
Pineapples

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Everything on this list is delicious; I do not remember a moment when I strayed from it because the food in the diet was always something to look forward to (different combos/preparation of the same foods = weight loss).


Let's give it another go,
                                ~Noi

A & B lead to C

It is not uncommon to fall down the winding path of self-destruction with an ED. Anorexics usually have qualities of perfectionism, persistent stubbornness, and obsessive compulsive tendencies. The are seen as unbuginging because of their strong will power and set guidelines, of which they can never stray. Bulimics are on a more radical scale, as their habits tend to be more cyclical than anorexics. They are extremists caught in a circle of poor impulse control, addiction, and are often drawn to extremities. However, the two do share a common playing ground of breaking points; self-revulsion and self-loathing can lead to self-harm (i.e. cutting.)

After my latest binge/purge, I was tipped to a breaking point where I made twenty slashes on my upper right thigh. I've never cut before, so this was a new experience entirely. With each cut, I felt my mind numb slightly more, as the anxieties of food drifted away to be replaced with the rising heat focused on my leg. I did not cry, instead watching how each long line paled on contact before pinking as the red came bubbling out.

But that was not the end--I feverishly scribbled terrible phrases and the word "fat" all over my body with a black marker. Standing in the shower two hours later, I could not help but find a hauntingly twisted beauty in how the blood swirled with the ink as the water sprinkled over the skin.

I've been told cutting is an addiction, as the cuts grow in quantity and depth with each breaking point of the soul.


Trying to avoid the serenity of the knife,
                                                 ~Noi

Rejection from the Inside

I think I have finally reached the point where my body just won't accept any breads/grains/carbs. Earlier, I was in a cooking mood; my plan was to cook for everyone else and to fast for the day. I made it to nine o'clock pm before I felt like I should eat something so, I made blueberry pancakes.

 I was picking at them while some were still in the pan but, I didn't feel much like eating the entire batch (which I probably would as a bulimic). Instead, I threw them away and rushed to the bathroom, throwing them up unintended. Only a clear, purple liquid came out, no solids, and I spent the rest of the night feeling thoroughly nauseous and shaky--of coarse, not eating anything else.

I suppose this is good in the long run but, I hate feeling ill. If anything, this rejection ordeal has completely broken whatever spirit I had left to eat "normally." Back to Ana's cold embrace from here...


To gain control is to lose weight,
                                       ~Noi

                               

Deteriorating Purity

People can't know
                  About this  C r e a t u r e  hidden inside.


                                                                                 With a pout that locks It  in,
                                       It  peeks out at the world through pools of  G r e y  ,
                     It  glares and gleams,
The pernicious  M i n x 
              Has only  H a v o c  on It's  agenda.


                           Tearing from loose threads,
                                                       It  paces in the mind;
                                                                                     Its  claws gashing  I n s i d e  ,


A masochistic twitch coagulating in Its  being.
                                          The flinting flock of  I n n e r  P e a c e
                   Is left  V i c t i m  to Its  insatiable  H u n g e r  .


                                                                Crimson dribbles over untainted  I n n o c e n c e 
                                As It  sadistically takes  S i n f u l  P l e a s u r e  in
C o r r u p t i o n  from the inside out.


                                                     The prison grows  F r a g i l e  ,
                                                                            Teeth chewing and rouge smearing,

          The  E n d  draws nearer.


                                                                       The  B e a s t  grins in Its  own  M a d n e s s  .
                          Hissing  L i e  after  L i e  as the lips part.


Bones jut out and pinching becomes a  R i t u a l  . . .
                                                                   Silence settles.


         Remaining  W i l l  P o w e r  is consumed and
                                               Cold, salty morose over flows  G r e y  windows;
                                                         The  S o u l  once trapped with the  M o n s t e r
                                  Fading into  N o t h i n g n e s s  .


The  H o l l o w  domain can no longer cage the  S e c r e t  ,

                                                           As the  T r u t h  is blatant and  R e a l i t y  is harsh.

Gaga Goes Gaunt

MTV likes to throw on strings of videos from the same artists now and again; while watching one of these slews featuring Lady Gaga it suddenly dawned on me...a dramatic amount of weight was lost from the beginning of her career to today. Comparing "Poker Face" Gaga to the tinier version in her "Born This Way" music video got me questioning how she lost so much.

According to British news, Gaga lost weight from restricting her food sources to only vegetables and fish (eliminating all carbs). However, restriction became harsher as her fame grew. Later in her career, Gaga switched to the Goo Diet (more commonly known in Hollywood as the Baby Food Diet). However, it wasn't Gaga that wanted to shed the pounds. The driving force behind it all was and is Gaga's "people." Her producers attempted to cover her average size by draping fabrics over her behind and using softly focused lenses for the camera but, in the end, she was simply instructed to not eat.

Off-handingly, she mentioned always being hungry. Combining her strictly restricted diet with dance training, religious exercise, and fame pressure, Lady Gaga shrunk from 120 lbs to a svelte 95 lbs.
If you ask me, she is a great thinspiration--not only from her body image but, also from determined struggle (which we can all relate to).


Slimming down for skin and bones,
                                       ~Noi

Dirty Little Secrets

Has anyone every considered that life would be so much more simpler without the complexity of an ED? I was reviewing some old pictures of myself and...well, I just seemed so much happier without Ana or Mia. Not much that I can do about it now, because, as we all know, you may physically recover from your ED but it will always be there--scratching at the back of your head, slumbering until it is triggered again (hence relapses).

Not that I mind having this "dirty little secret" so to say, because, if anything, it me meaning. I'm striving for perfection. Definitely not a simple task but, it's something to live for. I want to be envied and desired, I want to be able to accept my reflection and the numbers I'm scaled by. I want to be able to have fun shopping for myself. I remember the first day I ever started fasting was right after I tried on a size 3 pair of jeans and it did not fit. Disgust is not my favorite of emotions, though it works well as a motivation.

I binged badly today, devouring a whole carton of saltine crackers (I hadn't had one in two years) and a bag of mixed nuts. My plan was full proof and I managed to screw up. God, I'm such a fucking failure. I immediately chugged three cups of senna tea mixed with Miralax, popped 5 Alli pills, 6 Slimquick pills, and 3 Dulcolax pills. My body is probably in a state of confusion right now...

I've already decided my punishment anyhow...I'm going to fast for three days. Straight up water fast, no lenience of liquid fasting this time.

School starts up again on the 23rd, I should have enough time to drop--though, it goes without saying restriction is going to be more serious once I get back (three jobs should keep me distracted).


Cheers for Day 1 of the fast,
                              ~Noi

Cultural Standards of Weight

Beyond the ED community there are set standards of one's size depending upon the surrounding environment. In most dense Caucasian societies, such as the UK and the US, there is a stressed focus on voluptuous women (i.e. large breasts and bum/also known as curvy). The is quite counter-intuitive for Pro Anas, as we aim for a smaller, lighter perfection--which is probably why our life style is frowned upon by some.

In my lifetime, I have been fortunate enough to be a world traveler...and I can definitely vouch for this but, there are other areas where the petite, pixie like image of Ana is hailed as much as it is in the ED community. For instance, in most parts of Asia the entire culture embraces a set weight/tiny figure. As I do have an Asian background, I have noticed the standards differ slightly in each country.

In China, there is a saying that "A good girl shouldn't weigh more than 100 lbs." If you happened to be sitting in a restaurant, being obviously heavier than 100 lbs, the other customers are terribly mean at poking rude comments at you--especially if you are not eating lite (though this is not just limited to restaurants). Not to mention, not weighing less brings shame to your family.

In South Korea, not being skinny (or any where near it) was as reprehensible as coming home with a report card full of F's (and we all know how horrific that is...especially in an Asian household). I have seen mothers forbidding their children to eat and giving them special Asian diet pills.

Asia has an extremely pressured atmosphere for being stick skinny; while it does serve to tear your self-esteem apart, it does surround you with 24/7 walking thinspo and access to FDA banned diet pills.So, good or bad, it gets you where you want.


Embrace the Asian invasion,
                                 ~Noi

Decoding Your Cravings

To be skinny, one must first enter a diet. Sure, you can exercise but, in reality, weight loss is 90% diet and 10% exercise. As you may have noticed, from whatever meal plan you take part in (as this applies to all), is that you have weak moments where you are highly likely to stray from your set path. Indulging in such episodes will result in: weight gain, guilt, remorse, hatred, sorrow, pain, etc. etc.

Of coarse, you don't want that. So, you need to become familiar with what your brain REALLY is desiring when a craving strikes (P.S. opt for your "safe" food from the choices, I included options that apply to an omnivore diet. If you are vegan--like me--or vegetarian <lacto-ovo, lacto, or ovo> obviously choose what applies to your diet.)

If you crave this...	What you really need is...	And here are foods that have it:
Chocolate	Magnesium	Raw nuts and seeds, legumes, fruits
Sweets	Chromium	Broccoli, grapes, cheese, dried beans, calves liver, chicken
	Carbon	Fresh fruits
	Phosphorus	Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes, grains
	Sulfur	Cranberries, horseradish, cruciferous vegetables, kale, cabbage
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
Bread, toast, carbs	Nitrogen	High protein foods: fish, meat, nuts, beans
Oily snacks, fatty foods	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Coffee or tea	Phosphorous	Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes
	Sulfur	Egg yolks, red peppers, muscle protein, garlic, onion, cruciferous vegetables
	NaCl (salt)	Sea salt, apple cider vinegar (on salad)
	Iron	Meat, fish and poultry, seaweed, greens, black cherries
Alcohol, recreational drugs	Protein	Meat, poultry, seafood, dairy, nuts
	Avenin	Granola, oatmeal
	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
	Glutamine	Supplement glutamine powder for withdrawal, raw cabbage juice
	Potassium	Sun-dried black olives, potato peel broth, seaweed, bitter greens
Chewing ice	Iron	Meat, fish, poultry, seaweed, greens, black cherries
Burnt food	Carbon	Fresh fruits
Soda and other carbonated drinks	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Salty foods	Chloride	Raw goat milk, fish, unrefined sea salt
Acid foods	Magnesium	Raw nuts and seeds, legumes, fruits
Preference for liquids rather than solids	Water	Flavor water with lemon or lime. You need 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Preference for solids rather than liquids	Water	You have been so dehydrated for so long that you have lost your thirst. Flavor water with lemon or lime. You need 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Cool drinks	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
Pre-menstrual cravings	Zinc	Red meats (especially organ meats), seafood, leafy vegetables, root vegetables
General overeating	Silicon	Nuts, seeds; avoid refined starches
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements or orange, green, red fruits and vegetables
Lack of appetite	Vitamin B1	Nuts, seeds, beans, liver and other organ meats
	Vitamin B3	Tuna, halibut, beef, chicken, turkey, pork, seeds and legumes
	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
	Chloride	Raw goat milk, unrefined sea salt
Tobacco	Silicon	Nuts, seeds; avoid refined starches
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements or orange, green and red fruits and vegetables