Fueled by Triggers

One of my most successful motivators to lose weight has always been my wrath. Not rage, not anger but, just starvation as a way of pay-back. This trigger mainly came from an incident with my father. Now, as far as I can remember, my father has always been the head honcho of the household, a tyrant, and, unfortunately, an abuser. As much as I would have loved to have had a happy, pleasant childhood worth having nostalgia over--there aren't any happy memories in my past that involve that man. I still have short flashbacks of him in my nightmares...

Early in September, I decided to get a tattoo of cherry blossoms down the side length of my body. I was set on getting inked, as I had wanted to two years prior but, was waiting for the opportunity to present itself. Knowing I was covering my tracks well enough, I used my card again, today, to get my naval pierced. Only problem was...the forty-dollar piercing overspent on my account...and my account is linked to his (even though it's all my money).

After dealing with a livid phone call with the man himself, the trigger began creeping back on me. I am not going to eat anything tomorrow...my disappearing act actually an act of revenge.

Let me clarify for a sec, this horrible man, after finding out about my tattoo began accusing me of nonsense of which I am not reprehensible. He called me a whore, a crack addict, an alcoholic, a failure, bashed my veganism (he REALLY hates that I'm vegan), and, on top of it all, had the nerve to state that I "used to be happy and tell him everything." Now, realistically, I don't think anyone in their right mind would share personal details about themselves to someone so...hostile (all the time).

I have to meet with him early in the morning tomorrow; it doesn't help to add that I am also very sick (I cannot stop coughing) and this whole situation is causing me unnecessary stress...

Behind pained eyes,
                        ~Noi