Are you...Ana?

During the fall semester here (it's almost over), I decided to take a dance class to fulfill my performing art requirement. Since the beginning of this class, the only think that has been on my mind was whether of not this one girl was a Pro Ana. She showed all the signs that a Pro Ana would, her thighs had a huge gap at the top, you could see bones poking out, she looked pale and tired, and she had this behavior quality that could only suggest isolation or some sort; she definitely was not just an ectomorph.

The question to ask her if she was a Ana girl itched in the back of mind but, as it is rather hard to make connections with an Ana or Mia if you aren't sure if they are part of the ED community. However, today, this was not the case.

My mascara was flaking a little bit after class, so I stopped by the restroom to briefly fix it before heading of to my immediate next class. The bathroom was empty, which would have been perfect had I been purging. Then, she walked in. Fashionably dressed with perfectly thin limbs and a petite height, she reminded me of my lower days when I considered myself a hummingbird because I was so light and delicate. I could definitely pick out her bone structure through her clothes, it was sheer beauty.

I took my chances, mentally crossing my fingers and hoping she would confirm what I had wondered all this time. So I asked if she was an Ana, as I did not want to say Pro Ana because another girl had just walked in. I had to make this quick. She looked confused, not quite comprehending what I had just said. With us both awkwardly laughing about it, I hurried out. Disappointment filled my gut, the emotion churning over and over as I replayed the scene in my head. She had to be lying, just as I would have. Being an ED means keeping the secret, pretending.

I hope she comes back to inquire next class. Even as a current Mia, I want to reach out to the Anas as well. I'm aiming to revert back to Ana anyhow.


Awkwardly curious,
                      ~Noi