Ketosis Dieting

Hello lovelies!!
I've been staying true to my plan since I last posted and, I do have to say, I've been feeling cleaner. When I was at my highest, I had gained all my weight back from binging on nuts...so, I know I have a weakness towards them. Luckily, I've broken my attachment to unsweetened soynut butter by refusing to purchase it any longer (though the cravings still call me).

Anywho, since my last post I've joined a Pro Ana/ Pro Mia group on Facebook--which is incredibly supportive and sustainable against my urges to binge. Recently, someone had mentioned ketosis dieting. Now, I have heard this term before when I was hiding my anorexia from doctors and such.

Apparently, ketosis is when the body reaches a point where it will burn fat storages. It is obtained when people consume less/no carbs so the body turns to using ketone reserves as energy. This is quite good because, incidently, the cardiac, kidneys, and the majority of brain cells prefer using ketones over using glucose.

The secret to reaching this state is to consume a no fat/ low carb diet. Controversially, some websites say quite the opposite; to consume an all fat/ all protein/ no carb diet. Now, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that this is completely retarded--honestly, why would you consume a plate of fatty animal carcass, as opposed to a plate of steamed non-starchy veggies, and expect to lose weight?

Catch is, it takes a restrictive diet to reach ketosis (ABC anyone?). However, ketosis can be reached quicker through a minimum four day fast...as it takes three days to kick it in and one day to burn. I think I'll try this out next week.


Burning what hinders us,
                              ~Noi

Serious Counting

I'm going to get serious about this weight loss--as if I wasn't serious enough to begin with. I'm going back to counting calories but, this time, I am also going to start measuring every single thing I eat/drink. No more idealistic FAT girl! I am going to go back to school thinner and lighter than ever.

Let it be known that today is the day that I am setting a goal weight to be reached before the end of January. The new goal is to be between the 115 lb -110 lb range. I will get there no matter what.

How? Here are the new rules (the two plans are interchangeable--for tricking the metabolic rate--but, I think I'm going to try to keep to Diet Plan B:

Diet Plan A
========================
-Eat a piece of nondense fruit in the morning
-Drink 3 cups of coffee
-Pop one diet pill after
-Keep self distracted and active (i.e. taking 5-10 mile minimum strolls)
-Drink 1 cup green tea
-Eat a extremely lite meal (i.e. steamed veg or another piece of fruit)
-Pop one more diet pill
-Keep self distracted and active (if bored, do squats or something)
-Drink 1 cup green tea
-If the day was "good," eat a dense fruit
-If the day was "bad," take lax/purge and skip last meal
-Drink 1 cup of warm lemon water
==========================

Diet Plan B
==========================
-Drink 2 cups of coffee
-Drink 2 cups of green tea
-Wait until 5 or 7pm to eat lite meal (fruit/veg)
-Pop two diet pills
-Drink 1-2 cup/s of coffee
-Drink 1 cup of green tea
-Drink 1 cup of warm lemon water
===========================

I will also being doing a 24 hr exclusive liquid fast once a week---meaning liquids allowed will be water, tea, and coffee (<3) only!!

I'm trading this disgusting wreck of a body for something worthy of being called thinspo. Wish me luck, darlings!!

See you on the thinner side,
                              ~Noi

Liquid Calories

I think I'm going to stop drinking. I mean, I always follow the binge drinking rules but, I feel like I could do without those extra calories. It seems so unnecessary anyway, drinking every single weekend. Before Halloweekend tipped me off onto excessive partying, I was going to the gym every single day of the week for two hour minimum workouts.Besides, when I'm hung over, I don't even feel like going to the gym...

I'm looking for appetite suppressants right now. I tried all types of diet pills, caffeine sources, chinese herbs, natural methods but, I think I'm going to give drugs a try. Being on a college campus makes pretty much anything available. It doesn't frighten me, though I feel it should. I've researched every item on the list and I know which would help me in this situation. The way I see it, as long as I don't get hooked, I'll lose weight and be just fine.

Exploring other methods,
                        ~Noi

Purge Comparison

There is a confusion among people that laxatives do not help one lose weight. This is incorrect, as I can vouch using myself as evidence. Now, for any beginning Pro Mias or even the experienced, purging can be done in several ways (i.e. vomiting, exercising, etc.). However, what some Mias don't realize (if they are bulimia purging sub-type), is that there is a difference in calorie loss depending on ones method. Vomiting eliminate 50-70 % of the calories consumed, while laxative usage eliminate 10-30% of calories consumed.

Those stats alone would convince anyone to opt for the vomit method but, I recommend to vomit as unfequently as possible--or at least until ones throat sore and little spots of red come out. Also, purge easy foods---such as mushy/soft foods like bananas, wet cereal, etc. If you are purging dry foods, like cookies for instance, make sure you drink warm water with it (not after) to make the process easy on your esophagus. 

But, while carrying on with laxatives, one needs to be aware that their body will become accostomed to one type very quickly--thus you must be constantly tricking your body by switching up (i.e. powders, pills, teas, etc.) You can also combine them...I happen to use pills and tea but, in the past I mixed the powders into the tea.


Best of Luck to You,
                    ~Noi

Ana's Holiday

I'm heading back to my hometown for the holidays but, I get six weeks off from college for the break. I'm feeling pretty good about this--I'm going to have more ease purging at home and less desire to eat because of the stress. In addition, cold weather always takes my appetite away so, I'll most likely be weaning cups of hot calorie free tea the majority of the day.

I'm reached the next stepping stone with Ana too because I no longer have to battle myself to stay away from carbs. I can't even imagine eating anything besides my "safe" foods now. I may have neglected to religiously go to the gym this week but, no matter, I haven't been eating more than 2 oranges and a spoonful of unsweet soy nut butter (besides lots and lots of water).

Six weeks is enough time to lose 10 lbs. I can't wait to get back to college and show off my new hot bod, or at least, it'll be closer to Ana's perfection than it is now. I'm weighing in tomorrow morning and I'm so very excited to see the progress my loose clothes have been hinting at all this time.


Cheers to the Ana's Holiday,
                                   ~Noi

Pinching Fat

I have found that I am most comfortable with my body when I am lying flat on my back. Gravity takes to my favor then, as my ribs jut out along with my hip bones. I can also stretch my arms up and watch the tendons in my hand poke out as I wiggle my fingers. But on my "bad days," no positioning will work gravity to my favor.

Like right now, for instance. I hate myself for having just eaten half a bag of unsalted/unbuttered popcorn. With exam week having just started, I had two exams and several essays I had to finish. Such circumstances were a perfect distraction from eating lunch, which would have just been some fruit and maybe a bit of lettuce. So, I skipped and then immediately after my first exam finished, I had to meet with my dance group to work on our final. I had only an hour and a half before my next exam....I ran to the farthest dining hall (they have better choice in fruit). I didn't start eating my first meal until 6:00 PM.

Which was actually pretty good, considering I was eating safe food (I only had fruit). I wasn't hungry after my next exam, as I had taken a banana and an orange from the dining hall to eat after the test. A couple hours later, I had an intense craving for more oranges...but, unfortunately, the dining halls were now closed and I had hidden away popcorn in my room.

I can feel my gut stretching just for the popcorn. My fat is probably expanding because of the terrible carbs. I'm drinking Chinese "diet" tea (senna) right now and I already took 2 lax pills soooooo.....hopefully this horrible stuffed feeling goes away.

Geez....why am I so weak? I am definitely only going to eat oranges and papaya over the next couple weeks. I have break so I'll be purging all of it.


 Are you happy now, Ana? Mia's going to whip me into shape for you.
                                                                    ~Noi

My Affair with Mia

Most people are under a misconception that if one is Pro Mia/bulimic, they only binge on high calories foods in large quantities. I have recently accepted the fact that I am, in fact, a bulimic--for the longest time I simply thought I was just solely Pro Mia and Pro Ana. As a bulimic, I can fully say, I do not binge and purge high calorie foods, such as sweets and junk food. I am extremely health-conscious (ironically) and whenever I happen to binge, or at least what I call a binge, I binge on "high amounts" of healthy foods.

In my experience, bananas are the easiest food to bring back up/clean out with lax. People like to think that bananas are a binding food, which is one of the reasons why some use them as an ail for constipation. I really like that it doesn't matter how ripe or how firm a banana is; when it comes back up, it's mushy and easy on the esophagus.

I'm not even sure I could technically be classified as a true bulimic because I purge my food whether or not I was binging. When I simply eat lightly, I still feel uncomfortable with the food inside me, as I can feel it moving through my digestive tract and it is rather bothersome.

I don't know. Maybe I am just an anorexic with purging tendencies. I am not sure.


Coming to terms with ED,
                                 ~Noi

Curse of Curves

I'm surprised by the number of guys gravitating towards me in college, as this never seemed to happen during high school. As curiosity often gets the best of me, I have adapted to eloquently arranging my words in a way that will get the answer of why they are so interested, so fascinated by me.

Besides my mannerisms and personality, as I just use those to hook the guy, my questions are more on a physical level. As I've said before, I don't like it when they say I have a pretty face--those are words reserved for FAT girls. However, I didn't like what else I heard...

This still rings a bit in my ear, serving as further motivation to simply halt it but--a guy told me he thought I was sexy because I was CURVY. Translate that...and once again, I am considered FAT.

I hate this. While I am still in the bulimia portion of my weight loss, I purge by all means to destroy that bloated perception of me. I exercise like crazy (every single day), I throw up to the point of coughing blood, and I over dose laxatives until my abdomen has me wringing in pain. I do all of this while restricting and limiting my foods, taking mixed combos of diet pills, and downing large quantities of water.

And yet...it feels all for naught.


Living with the curse of "curves,"
                                   ~Noi

Are you...Ana?

During the fall semester here (it's almost over), I decided to take a dance class to fulfill my performing art requirement. Since the beginning of this class, the only think that has been on my mind was whether of not this one girl was a Pro Ana. She showed all the signs that a Pro Ana would, her thighs had a huge gap at the top, you could see bones poking out, she looked pale and tired, and she had this behavior quality that could only suggest isolation or some sort; she definitely was not just an ectomorph.

The question to ask her if she was a Ana girl itched in the back of mind but, as it is rather hard to make connections with an Ana or Mia if you aren't sure if they are part of the ED community. However, today, this was not the case.

My mascara was flaking a little bit after class, so I stopped by the restroom to briefly fix it before heading of to my immediate next class. The bathroom was empty, which would have been perfect had I been purging. Then, she walked in. Fashionably dressed with perfectly thin limbs and a petite height, she reminded me of my lower days when I considered myself a hummingbird because I was so light and delicate. I could definitely pick out her bone structure through her clothes, it was sheer beauty.

I took my chances, mentally crossing my fingers and hoping she would confirm what I had wondered all this time. So I asked if she was an Ana, as I did not want to say Pro Ana because another girl had just walked in. I had to make this quick. She looked confused, not quite comprehending what I had just said. With us both awkwardly laughing about it, I hurried out. Disappointment filled my gut, the emotion churning over and over as I replayed the scene in my head. She had to be lying, just as I would have. Being an ED means keeping the secret, pretending.

I hope she comes back to inquire next class. Even as a current Mia, I want to reach out to the Anas as well. I'm aiming to revert back to Ana anyhow.


Awkwardly curious,
                      ~Noi

Select Foods

As with any person with an eating disorder, I feel comfortable within controlled boundaries. This being said, I have slid into this habit where I only want to eat 3 foods: Unsweetened Creamy Soy nut Butter, Bananas, and Orange Juice (not from concentrate). It makes sense when I think about it, as in "if I'm allowed ____# of calories, I want to eat the ones I want."

However, I can't help but feel guilty when I do eat--anytime I eat for that matter. In prior years, I had the closure of only eating certain foods. It made me feel safe, except this round, absolutely everything I do feels judged and a bit reprehensible. This past Thursday, for instance, I binged on those 3 foods...eating what I would assume to be 800 calories. Due to this, I took nine laxatives and, consequently, felt too ill to go to the gym.

I feel like I should be stricter but, I'm already putting up those ever familiar walls. I don't like going to the dining halls here--I always feel like people are staring at me eating; as goes the same for if my roommate is in the dorm, I don't eat around her.

I love the 3 far too much to stop this pattern. It gives me control over not consuming grains (carbs) and not being tempted to break my one plate rule in the dining halls. I hope this will bring result soon enough.

P.S.
Watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (any of the years). It was such a thinspiration!!

Striving for Perfection,
                       ~Noi

From Mia to Ana

When descending the pounds, it takes more and more effort to drop; different methods are needed, as well as a development of certain daily habits. In my experience, losing weight is like scaling set levels. So, using myself as a proper example (because I know what it takes to brush the border of double-digits), I will disclose techniques that worked for me.

On my profile, I listed 137 lbs as my highest weight (gross!!). The way I see it, the different levels of weight lose divide pounds into sections of ten.
During the range of 130-140, I dropped pounds because I began exercising 1 1/2 everyday (7 days a week) and I only consumed salads.
Between 120-130, I lost weight because I upped my workout to 2 hours everyday (6-7 days a week) and I began purging...A LOT (mostly lax now).

Although I am not quite at the 110-120 range yet, previously during this range, I dropped because I would eat once a day (after exactly 24 hrs had passed since last eaten) and my meal would be only fruit.
In the 100-110 range, I started a once a week fast (usually every Monday) and I ate only steamed veggies; additionally, never eating more than 200 calories...unless it was the weekend, where I would allow myself 500 calories.

It takes a lot of will-power to reach perfection but, once you're out of the Mia ranges and side with Ana...weight drops off more quickly.


Good luck, lovelies,
                      ~Noi