The Other Woman

In life, it is hard to find someone who is truly, sincerely genuine. Now, I go out and party every weekend--because let's face it, it's nice to let go and enjoy yourself after a tiring week of studying and school work. When I got back to my dorm on Friday, in my tipsy state (not wasted but just enough of a buzz) I went to go chill in the 2nd floor lounge and see who was still up at 2-3 AM. I was chatting and just hanging around the few guys that had also just got back from partying until around 4ish. At this time I had already walked around the dorm a bit, sobering up, and got back to the 2nd floor to find only one guy remained.

I always had a peculiar vibe about this certain individual, and I never was able to quite place the reason why. I headed back to his room on an invitation, not thinking much of it besides a casual sleep over. In the morning, I discovered he was not single (long-distance) but, this did not bother me...

I knew this fellow for a matter of three days, all the while growing to enjoy his company as he does amuse me...and I like to be amused. Not to mention, he is such a caring person--and it's hard to find legitilly genuine people. He's convinced we're besties now, especially after seeing my cut marks and learning a bit about my past (though ED is still a secret). He says he likes how I don't play dumb as a smart girl and how I can talk so casually about anything.

I suppose we'll see where this goes...as our secret relation is not solely verbal.


Drawn to the flame,
                     ~Noi

Curse of Curves

I'm surprised by the number of guys gravitating towards me in college, as this never seemed to happen during high school. As curiosity often gets the best of me, I have adapted to eloquently arranging my words in a way that will get the answer of why they are so interested, so fascinated by me.

Besides my mannerisms and personality, as I just use those to hook the guy, my questions are more on a physical level. As I've said before, I don't like it when they say I have a pretty face--those are words reserved for FAT girls. However, I didn't like what else I heard...

This still rings a bit in my ear, serving as further motivation to simply halt it but--a guy told me he thought I was sexy because I was CURVY. Translate that...and once again, I am considered FAT.

I hate this. While I am still in the bulimia portion of my weight loss, I purge by all means to destroy that bloated perception of me. I exercise like crazy (every single day), I throw up to the point of coughing blood, and I over dose laxatives until my abdomen has me wringing in pain. I do all of this while restricting and limiting my foods, taking mixed combos of diet pills, and downing large quantities of water.

And yet...it feels all for naught.


Living with the curse of "curves,"
                                   ~Noi