Pleasant Surprises

Because I am far, far away from my scale in college, I haven't kept track of any numbers in a long while. However, I can usually guess where I am--last year I was obsessed with the scale numbers so, I can judge where I am by glancing in the mirror.
BUT!!!
Since, I just haven't had any appetite, I quite literally stopped eating (check the former plan/last post).

Out of sheer curiosity today, I borrowed my roomie's measuring tape. The results surprised me...I'm back to a 24 in. waistline. Of coarse, the comments I have been getting when people come into contact with me (yoga buddies, hugging, etc.) never sunk in until I saw that beautiful 24 on the tape. I've heard, "You're so tiny, I feel like I'm going to break you," "You remind me of a pixie--so cute and skinny," "You're so light, if I threw you in the air the wind would probably take you away." Music to my ears.

Funny thing is, is that I wasn't even aiming to lose weight...I just wanted to have an empty, flat stomach to impress my lovers. I mean, sex would just be awful if I was full; I would too self-conscious of my food baby and that would affect my performance and enjoyment.


Laughs aside, I am simply ecstatic <3 ,
                               ~Noi

I've Got A System :D

So...I've finally reached the point where I've fallen into a regular plan--which is quite great because I can tolerate it and, as we all know as EDs, repetition is a great form of closure and control.
Here's how it works for me...I stick to an extremely low calorie liquid diet (think crystal light and diet snapple). However, there are moments when I want the sensation of chewing solids so...in this case, I either retreat into solitude, where I can chew and spit without judgement or I eat but, I purge immediately until I see the first thing I've swallowed. In the case of purging, I know I can get just about everything out (the lovely feeling of a flat tummy and hollow spot between my ribs tells me when I am empty) but, for the remaining bits and pieces that I can simply not remove, I pop some lax and 6 hours later I feel beautifully empty again.

I must say, this system is really working for me; my bones jut out without me lying flat on my back and the gap between my thighs has noticeably grown. I am so happy with my progress, I really really am ecstatic. In the case of the energy boost I need from lack of food, I have some caffeine pills or I chug a sugar-free energy drink (only 20 calories at most in a can!!).

The blue in my nails has also returned, along with the prolonged feeling of being cold. This is great! I'd say, if anything at all, the heartbroken feeling I experienced with the boy two posts ago was the perfect motivation to get back in the groove of things. It gave me a creepy déjà vu of 2010 when I started starving to perfection to spite another boy whom had bruised, not broken, my heart. I mean, if you think about it, isn't improving your appearance the best revenge? In my mind, it sure beats emotionally eating your way to a disgusting gluttonous mess. I admit, yes, I am emotionally damaged but, there's no way I'm going to let that stop me from embracing the Ana/Mia lifestyle.


Find what works for you,
                         ~Noi

Serious Counting

I'm going to get serious about this weight loss--as if I wasn't serious enough to begin with. I'm going back to counting calories but, this time, I am also going to start measuring every single thing I eat/drink. No more idealistic FAT girl! I am going to go back to school thinner and lighter than ever.

Let it be known that today is the day that I am setting a goal weight to be reached before the end of January. The new goal is to be between the 115 lb -110 lb range. I will get there no matter what.

How? Here are the new rules (the two plans are interchangeable--for tricking the metabolic rate--but, I think I'm going to try to keep to Diet Plan B:

Diet Plan A
========================
-Eat a piece of nondense fruit in the morning
-Drink 3 cups of coffee
-Pop one diet pill after
-Keep self distracted and active (i.e. taking 5-10 mile minimum strolls)
-Drink 1 cup green tea
-Eat a extremely lite meal (i.e. steamed veg or another piece of fruit)
-Pop one more diet pill
-Keep self distracted and active (if bored, do squats or something)
-Drink 1 cup green tea
-If the day was "good," eat a dense fruit
-If the day was "bad," take lax/purge and skip last meal
-Drink 1 cup of warm lemon water
==========================

Diet Plan B
==========================
-Drink 2 cups of coffee
-Drink 2 cups of green tea
-Wait until 5 or 7pm to eat lite meal (fruit/veg)
-Pop two diet pills
-Drink 1-2 cup/s of coffee
-Drink 1 cup of green tea
-Drink 1 cup of warm lemon water
===========================

I will also being doing a 24 hr exclusive liquid fast once a week---meaning liquids allowed will be water, tea, and coffee (<3) only!!

I'm trading this disgusting wreck of a body for something worthy of being called thinspo. Wish me luck, darlings!!

See you on the thinner side,
                              ~Noi

Ana's Holiday

I'm heading back to my hometown for the holidays but, I get six weeks off from college for the break. I'm feeling pretty good about this--I'm going to have more ease purging at home and less desire to eat because of the stress. In addition, cold weather always takes my appetite away so, I'll most likely be weaning cups of hot calorie free tea the majority of the day.

I'm reached the next stepping stone with Ana too because I no longer have to battle myself to stay away from carbs. I can't even imagine eating anything besides my "safe" foods now. I may have neglected to religiously go to the gym this week but, no matter, I haven't been eating more than 2 oranges and a spoonful of unsweet soy nut butter (besides lots and lots of water).

Six weeks is enough time to lose 10 lbs. I can't wait to get back to college and show off my new hot bod, or at least, it'll be closer to Ana's perfection than it is now. I'm weighing in tomorrow morning and I'm so very excited to see the progress my loose clothes have been hinting at all this time.


Cheers to the Ana's Holiday,
                                   ~Noi

Curse of Curves

I'm surprised by the number of guys gravitating towards me in college, as this never seemed to happen during high school. As curiosity often gets the best of me, I have adapted to eloquently arranging my words in a way that will get the answer of why they are so interested, so fascinated by me.

Besides my mannerisms and personality, as I just use those to hook the guy, my questions are more on a physical level. As I've said before, I don't like it when they say I have a pretty face--those are words reserved for FAT girls. However, I didn't like what else I heard...

This still rings a bit in my ear, serving as further motivation to simply halt it but--a guy told me he thought I was sexy because I was CURVY. Translate that...and once again, I am considered FAT.

I hate this. While I am still in the bulimia portion of my weight loss, I purge by all means to destroy that bloated perception of me. I exercise like crazy (every single day), I throw up to the point of coughing blood, and I over dose laxatives until my abdomen has me wringing in pain. I do all of this while restricting and limiting my foods, taking mixed combos of diet pills, and downing large quantities of water.

And yet...it feels all for naught.


Living with the curse of "curves,"
                                   ~Noi

Are you...Ana?

During the fall semester here (it's almost over), I decided to take a dance class to fulfill my performing art requirement. Since the beginning of this class, the only think that has been on my mind was whether of not this one girl was a Pro Ana. She showed all the signs that a Pro Ana would, her thighs had a huge gap at the top, you could see bones poking out, she looked pale and tired, and she had this behavior quality that could only suggest isolation or some sort; she definitely was not just an ectomorph.

The question to ask her if she was a Ana girl itched in the back of mind but, as it is rather hard to make connections with an Ana or Mia if you aren't sure if they are part of the ED community. However, today, this was not the case.

My mascara was flaking a little bit after class, so I stopped by the restroom to briefly fix it before heading of to my immediate next class. The bathroom was empty, which would have been perfect had I been purging. Then, she walked in. Fashionably dressed with perfectly thin limbs and a petite height, she reminded me of my lower days when I considered myself a hummingbird because I was so light and delicate. I could definitely pick out her bone structure through her clothes, it was sheer beauty.

I took my chances, mentally crossing my fingers and hoping she would confirm what I had wondered all this time. So I asked if she was an Ana, as I did not want to say Pro Ana because another girl had just walked in. I had to make this quick. She looked confused, not quite comprehending what I had just said. With us both awkwardly laughing about it, I hurried out. Disappointment filled my gut, the emotion churning over and over as I replayed the scene in my head. She had to be lying, just as I would have. Being an ED means keeping the secret, pretending.

I hope she comes back to inquire next class. Even as a current Mia, I want to reach out to the Anas as well. I'm aiming to revert back to Ana anyhow.


Awkwardly curious,
                      ~Noi

Select Foods

As with any person with an eating disorder, I feel comfortable within controlled boundaries. This being said, I have slid into this habit where I only want to eat 3 foods: Unsweetened Creamy Soy nut Butter, Bananas, and Orange Juice (not from concentrate). It makes sense when I think about it, as in "if I'm allowed ____# of calories, I want to eat the ones I want."

However, I can't help but feel guilty when I do eat--anytime I eat for that matter. In prior years, I had the closure of only eating certain foods. It made me feel safe, except this round, absolutely everything I do feels judged and a bit reprehensible. This past Thursday, for instance, I binged on those 3 foods...eating what I would assume to be 800 calories. Due to this, I took nine laxatives and, consequently, felt too ill to go to the gym.

I feel like I should be stricter but, I'm already putting up those ever familiar walls. I don't like going to the dining halls here--I always feel like people are staring at me eating; as goes the same for if my roommate is in the dorm, I don't eat around her.

I love the 3 far too much to stop this pattern. It gives me control over not consuming grains (carbs) and not being tempted to break my one plate rule in the dining halls. I hope this will bring result soon enough.

P.S.
Watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (any of the years). It was such a thinspiration!!

Striving for Perfection,
                       ~Noi

From Mia to Ana

When descending the pounds, it takes more and more effort to drop; different methods are needed, as well as a development of certain daily habits. In my experience, losing weight is like scaling set levels. So, using myself as a proper example (because I know what it takes to brush the border of double-digits), I will disclose techniques that worked for me.

On my profile, I listed 137 lbs as my highest weight (gross!!). The way I see it, the different levels of weight lose divide pounds into sections of ten.
During the range of 130-140, I dropped pounds because I began exercising 1 1/2 everyday (7 days a week) and I only consumed salads.
Between 120-130, I lost weight because I upped my workout to 2 hours everyday (6-7 days a week) and I began purging...A LOT (mostly lax now).

Although I am not quite at the 110-120 range yet, previously during this range, I dropped because I would eat once a day (after exactly 24 hrs had passed since last eaten) and my meal would be only fruit.
In the 100-110 range, I started a once a week fast (usually every Monday) and I ate only steamed veggies; additionally, never eating more than 200 calories...unless it was the weekend, where I would allow myself 500 calories.

It takes a lot of will-power to reach perfection but, once you're out of the Mia ranges and side with Ana...weight drops off more quickly.


Good luck, lovelies,
                      ~Noi

Victoria's Secret Diet

Ever wonder what it would be like to have a body like an Angel? Mostly likely you said yes because, well let's face it, a Victoria's Secret model's body is so perfectly proportioned that it's enough to cause envy in anyone who has glanced at their catalog. But a body like that does not come from sheer will (like us Pro Anas/Mias), it takes extreme strict habits...not mention these habits are graciously invested in.

While the average daily diet has yet to been disclosed (although I am sure we can easily guess it), the diet leading up to the infamous Victoria's Secret Fashion Show has been spilled by Adriana Lima (and noted by other VS Angels).

According to Adriana, three weeks prior to the show, the VS Angels consume only specialized high protein shakes (brand named shakes contain too many chemicals, sugars, and additives) and a gallon of water; this is then combined with a intense workout twice a daily. This being said, solid food is prohibited. I would suspect it is for the obvious reasons (i.e. the "bulk" creating an illusion of being bloated until the said waste is eliminated).

Two days prior, Adriana revealed that the Angels stop their intake of protein shakes--sticking to exclusively only water, while still continuing their intense exercise regime.

Twelve hours before the show, the VS Angels "dry" themselves out by halting their intake of any fluids (water included). Stopping ones intake of liquid for this span of time can promise as much as a lose of 5 lbs.

While Adriana Lima did realize the mistake of giving this much info out to the media, her comments released after did rebuke what she had said prior...possibly in an attempt to protect the multi-million dollar industry that is Victoria's Secret.


Desiring an Angel's body,
                         ~Noi

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

During Autumn of 2010, I was able to quickly and easily drop large quantities of weight in a short amount of time. By doing this, although I did not have a final goal weight, I was able to reach a thinner, more perfect form. However, the shorter time spand only set the foundation to gain it just as quickly back.

So, this time around...I'm gonna do it slower. Most weight loss journals and tips (for the average fat joe/jane), all suggest that by taking the weight loss process at a slower pace promises longer results. This is mainly because your body can adjust easier to the new weight levels. For instance, were one to Pro Ana diet their way down and hit a plateau, the slow pace it took to reach that level then ensure that the plateau will break once they take a period of "normal" eating, quicken their metabolic rate, and, thus, continue losing.

Rapidly dropping pounds is, therefore, not optimal for the long run. I mean, would you rather be thinner longer (and perhaps forever--by adjusting your body slowly) or quicker. Sure, quicker is pretty damn tempting but, who doesn't want to stay perfect forever? I know I do.


Strategy is key, my darlings,
                         ~Noi

Look but, Don't Touch!!

I've had a lot of time to think these past couple of days. For one, I haven't been going to the dining hall as often as I used to. I mainly only eat lunch now, since it gives me enough time to burn it/purge it before I go to sleep. However, although I am happily not experiencing the most hated "bulk" any more, I have slid into the comfortable groove of consuming the same foods everyday. I like it....but, at the same time I can't help but feel a bit bad that I am not eating as much veg as I should.

With that aside, I had to go through the uncomfortable situation of being held up in Improv class. The game entailed that I would be raised by four of guys and held there until the next scene--which, incidently, I was put in the frozen position of being still held up...but, only half way (which was scary).

I didn't like being the only girl in the scene because I knew something like this would happen. However, and I've noticed this before, when the guys were reassuring me they wouldn't drop me, all of them put a guess on my weight. They guessed I was ten pounds lighter than I actually am.

Previously, when I weighed in at 100 lbs, most people were certain I was actually 90 lbs...judging just by looking at me. I suppose I should be flattered but, I want to actually be lighter.

My clothes have been fitting looser as of late. I had to switch to a smaller jean size. Good news? This is just the start of the decline.


Never stop the loss,
                      ~Noi

New Tactics for the Big Challenge

The dreaded day of all Anas is approaching...Thanksgiving!!! Now, this isn't usually a big deal for me...one, I usually get sick around Thanksgiving and almost always spend the day bedridden and two, I'm a vegan. Last year, I slept the majority of the day and went downstairs just as the guests were leaving. Because my parents resent the fact that I am vegan, they don't bother making any food for me specifically. Which is both bad and good. I am being neglected but, hey, I don't have to eat. So, yay!

Anywho, heading back to my hometown is risky buisiness. I'm not allowed to go to the gym while I am there (they'll give the key to my overweight sister but not me) so, I think I am going to be restricting as much as I can.
Makes sense, right? If I am not burning the calories, then I should not be eating as much.

It goes without saying that I will be purging still...old habits die hard. I think I'll wander around town too--exercise plus, I don't really want to hang around the hostile household. It's motivation to not eat (when I am upset) but, it just is too much stress that I really could do without.

I want to be happy...and thin. Is that really such a difficult request?


Best of Luck on the Dreaded Day of Gluttony,
                                               ~Noi

The Taboo: Calories!!

Most would tend to believe that all calories are the same; that eating a 320 calorie candy bar would be the same as eating 320 calories of lettuce. I'm a bit skeptical of this belief simply because the majority of dieters attempt to eat healthier (i.e. making obvious better choices). Yet then again, I got down to my lowest by only eating produce...which is healthy...but, I know that there are Pro Anas out there that get to their lowest by consuming restricted amounts of junk food. So, are all calories the same?

I don't know.

However, what I do know is how my body reacts based on the foods I feed it, even if I restrict and purge. When I consume grains/beans/legumes/nuts/seeds, I feel disgusting afterwards (so I purge). Fruit perks me up, giving me an instant high but, gets me hungry. Vegetables make me feel full and indifferent.

I don't know...I suppose it all depends on the individual. Ask yourself when you're eating and become more consciously aware of how you react. Food V. You. Whose going to come out on top?

Never stop fighting the Thin Battle,
                    ~Noi

Fueled by Triggers

One of my most successful motivators to lose weight has always been my wrath. Not rage, not anger but, just starvation as a way of pay-back. This trigger mainly came from an incident with my father. Now, as far as I can remember, my father has always been the head honcho of the household, a tyrant, and, unfortunately, an abuser. As much as I would have loved to have had a happy, pleasant childhood worth having nostalgia over--there aren't any happy memories in my past that involve that man. I still have short flashbacks of him in my nightmares...

Early in September, I decided to get a tattoo of cherry blossoms down the side length of my body. I was set on getting inked, as I had wanted to two years prior but, was waiting for the opportunity to present itself. Knowing I was covering my tracks well enough, I used my card again, today, to get my naval pierced. Only problem was...the forty-dollar piercing overspent on my account...and my account is linked to his (even though it's all my money).

After dealing with a livid phone call with the man himself, the trigger began creeping back on me. I am not going to eat anything tomorrow...my disappearing act actually an act of revenge.

Let me clarify for a sec, this horrible man, after finding out about my tattoo began accusing me of nonsense of which I am not reprehensible. He called me a whore, a crack addict, an alcoholic, a failure, bashed my veganism (he REALLY hates that I'm vegan), and, on top of it all, had the nerve to state that I "used to be happy and tell him everything." Now, realistically, I don't think anyone in their right mind would share personal details about themselves to someone so...hostile (all the time).

I have to meet with him early in the morning tomorrow; it doesn't help to add that I am also very sick (I cannot stop coughing) and this whole situation is causing me unnecessary stress...

Behind pained eyes,
                        ~Noi

Ana's Shopping Trip

I recently went to the grocery store here, somewhat treating myself...because of all the purging I was doing lately. Now, I was going to buy things under complete control (i.e. whatever I buy, it cannot be eaten past 200 calories). So I strolled around, taking forever like many EDs do, and, finally after picking up and putting back soooooo many temptation items, I decided on buying a few Larabars (safe item because it contains so few ingredients) and a Go Raw Banana Bread Flax Bar. Coarse, as I was standing in line I through in some Kombucha (which is really good at taking of the edge of craving any fizzy drink). 


While I was waiting to pay, the oddest thing happened. The guy at the register looked over my items and blatantly asked, "Are you a Vegetarian?" Now, I'm not used to strangers quickly picking up my eating habits (despite the fact that I am actually a Vegan); so I asked him, "What gave me away?" He pointed directly at the flax seed bar and explained how he was, formerly, a Vegetarian for 3 years....but, then mentioned that he just used it to control his Anorexia. 


I was baffled. This guy, whom I had just met, just honestly told me his dirty little secret. Now, not wanting him to feel embarrassed for coming out to a customer, I told him, "Don't feel too bad. I dabbled in Anorexia too. I initially became Vegan for all the right reasons, but now I do it for all the wrong reasons." 


I know he could feel it at this point too, because just by showing ourselves practically naked to each other....there was a connection. 


Unfortunately, the old woman behind me had no tolerance for waiting so, she rammed her cart into me (bitch) and I proceeded to leave.


I wish I got the guy's name, I would've like to be friends with him (especially since he was so young, although older than me...probably 23-24ish). Oh well, I hope I will see him the next time I go shopping.

Keep on the lookout for any fellow EDs,
                                        ~Noi

True Fear

Pocrescophobia, i.e. the fear of gaining weight.

I know I can empathesize with all out there who are in the same boat of Anas, Mias, and EDNOS. We all fear that horrid number on the scale but, without a doubt, we all are deathly afraid of that horrid number rising higher.

It is a consumption of the digits, we are obsessed with the number of calories we intake, the number of calories we burn, the number on the measuring tape, and the number on the scale. In the constant mind game of numbers, our brains are in a never ending loop of mathematics...and it's tiring. But not enough to stop.

For me, I wasn't counting what I burned and I never touched the measuring tape until I was at the point of having a 24 inch waist. I only ate what I thought I was worthy to eat. If I hadn't done any physical exercise/movement that day, then it was a skip day or I would limit myself to only 200 calories (equaling for me an extended prolonged meal of consuming one papaya).

I still feel like this is the case nowadays. The only exception being that I exercise religiously every single day; whereas before it was only 4-5 times per week.

Rena, a girl I knew from my home town but now goes to the same college as me, is a recovering Ana girl. Unlike me, however, she was the Ana with a grip on exercise. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I was to find someone to personally talk to about my ED.

 It feels strange though that we want to go in opposite directions, she wanting to return to the norm and I wanting to relapse. Still...I love her to pieces. If I hadn't created this blog, this online diary, I would be relying solely on Rena (that is if I had made the first move to talk about my affair with Ana and Mia with her).

Pocrescophobia is the only fear I have; I do not fear death or any derivation of it (like so many other people fear). Perhaps that is why when I am faced with the skeletal perfection of Ana, I do not turn away.

Let's keep those numbers falling,
                         ~Noi

I Hate Me

I fucking hate myself right now. I'm just so disgustingly fat and there's absolutely no way I'm gonna get to 120 lbs in a week. Ughhhhh........I'm just not going to eat anything, except dinner, from now on. No more binging or fucking wasting my money on binge food. Seriously, it's so retarded that I buy food just so I can throw it away. This has to stop. I'm running out of money and binging and purging is just making me hate myself even more.

But things aren't all so bad...

My workout regime is bringing results. I was studying a bruise on my leg early and realized, "Damn! My thighs are fucking toned!!!" This made me smile a bit, since I hate the squishy flab. Granted that all this muscle is making me bulk up a bit, I think if I counter it with starving, fasting, and restricting my caloric intake, I'll become just that much closer to Ana.

I figured out my BMR too. I was so happy to find myself in the 'Very Active' category (since I exercise everyday)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The BMR for women:

655 + (9.6 x weight in kilos) + (1.8 x height in cm) - (4.7 x age in years)

You then take that result and multiply it by your activity level.

 Sedentary/ Little or no Exercise = 1.200

 Lightly Active/Exercise or Sports 1 – 3 times a week = 1.375

 Moderately Active/Exercise or Sports 3 – 5 times a week = 1.550

 Very Active/Exercise or Sports 5 – 7 times a week = 1.725

 Extra Active/2x a day training or Hard Physical Job = 1.900
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Basically, I need 2432.0775 calories everyday but, since we all know that that is waaaaaayyy too many, I'm gonna do a fraction of that with 600 calories. I think I'll stick to steamed veggies and soft fruit (like melon) from now on...

Think Thin,
          ~Noi

A Better Alternative?

I've purged pretty much everyday this week, doubling up with lax and the ole' fashion way. Now, I'm fairly clever at hiding it now...heading to different bathrooms on campus for my lax purgings and cranking up the music/locking the door/disposing in a plastic bag for my throw-up purgings. But...after a week and a half of this, I'm starting to reconsider.

My mouth is beginning to feel sore and, yesterday, a little blood came up when I was vomiting. Sooooo......since it doesn't take a genius to figure this out, I'm gonna run back into Ana's perfectly tiny arms and take a break from Mia (although I do still love her).

I know I'm gonna feel absolutely horrid about the empty calories later but, I'm going out tonight (meaning drinks and the what not). Maybe I'll just wean a single drink throughout the evening; two is the limit. And just to be safe, since I don't want any globs of disgusting FAT hanging on, tomorrow I'll try to stay outside (in the cold) for the majority of the day and I'll go to the gym for a min of 2 hours.

Giving all my love and myself to Ana,
                              ~Noi

Pop It

I tried to continue my liquid diet onto a two day length but let myself partake in dinner. I kinda sorta did this method before, where I would eat only dinner (after 5pm) and fast the rest of the time...this method brought quick results--as I counted exactly 24 hrs in between eating. I think I'm gonna go this route again, instead of a every other day liquid diet (as I feel like I eat soooo much on my solid days).

Any who, I was pretty good at not eating until 6pm. Despite this, I was having one of those days where you can look in the mirror and absolutely HATE yourself. Sure, I know I have a nice face (as I am complimented on it all the time) but, telling a girl she has a nice face is something you tell a FAT girl because her body just doesn't match up.

So what did I do with all this guilt? I did what I always do, pop large amounts of certain vitamins and chemical capsules that promote the metabolism and burning of fat. Sometimes I use diet pills but, I always feel like those purposely draw an appetite so you buy more. Personally, I buy specific non-mainstream diet pills online...it cuts the chance that it is just a caffeine pill (although I do have a bottle of caffeine pills).

This is usually how the cycle starts: I eat reasonably "good" food ('safe' of coarse), pop some pills because I feel like I need to burn away every last calorie, give up hope of burning and switch to popping laxatives, and end up purging it all.

The problem with purging, however, is that I think some people in my dorm are beginning to catch on to me...
I'm terrified of being caught...

Wish me luck that this dirty little secret doesn't get found out,
                            ~Noi

I Promise...

~I will get out of the 120s by the end of the month

~I will consume liquids only every other day

~I will fast once a week (more if desired)

~I will purge every time I feel the "bulk"

~I will exercise everyday for the minimum of an hour

~I will consume only produce on my solid food days

~I will chew and spit as much as I can

~I will consume no more than 600 calories everyday

~I will take up any method to burn calories at every moment (i.e. fidgeting)

~I will get back the gap between my thighs

~I will become someone else's thinspo

This is year two of my affair with EDNOS, I will not gain this time and I will not falter or give up on Ana or Mia. It is time to get serious!

       ~Noi