Decoding Your Cravings

To be skinny, one must first enter a diet. Sure, you can exercise but, in reality, weight loss is 90% diet and 10% exercise. As you may have noticed, from whatever meal plan you take part in (as this applies to all), is that you have weak moments where you are highly likely to stray from your set path. Indulging in such episodes will result in: weight gain, guilt, remorse, hatred, sorrow, pain, etc. etc.

Of coarse, you don't want that. So, you need to become familiar with what your brain REALLY is desiring when a craving strikes (P.S. opt for your "safe" food from the choices, I included options that apply to an omnivore diet. If you are vegan--like me--or vegetarian <lacto-ovo, lacto, or ovo> obviously choose what applies to your diet.)

If you crave this...	What you really need is...	And here are foods that have it:
Chocolate	Magnesium	Raw nuts and seeds, legumes, fruits
Sweets	Chromium	Broccoli, grapes, cheese, dried beans, calves liver, chicken
	Carbon	Fresh fruits
	Phosphorus	Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes, grains
	Sulfur	Cranberries, horseradish, cruciferous vegetables, kale, cabbage
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
Bread, toast, carbs	Nitrogen	High protein foods: fish, meat, nuts, beans
Oily snacks, fatty foods	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Coffee or tea	Phosphorous	Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes
	Sulfur	Egg yolks, red peppers, muscle protein, garlic, onion, cruciferous vegetables
	NaCl (salt)	Sea salt, apple cider vinegar (on salad)
	Iron	Meat, fish and poultry, seaweed, greens, black cherries
Alcohol, recreational drugs	Protein	Meat, poultry, seafood, dairy, nuts
	Avenin	Granola, oatmeal
	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
	Glutamine	Supplement glutamine powder for withdrawal, raw cabbage juice
	Potassium	Sun-dried black olives, potato peel broth, seaweed, bitter greens
Chewing ice	Iron	Meat, fish, poultry, seaweed, greens, black cherries
Burnt food	Carbon	Fresh fruits
Soda and other carbonated drinks	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Salty foods	Chloride	Raw goat milk, fish, unrefined sea salt
Acid foods	Magnesium	Raw nuts and seeds, legumes, fruits
Preference for liquids rather than solids	Water	Flavor water with lemon or lime. You need 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Preference for solids rather than liquids	Water	You have been so dehydrated for so long that you have lost your thirst. Flavor water with lemon or lime. You need 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Cool drinks	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
Pre-menstrual cravings	Zinc	Red meats (especially organ meats), seafood, leafy vegetables, root vegetables
General overeating	Silicon	Nuts, seeds; avoid refined starches
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements or orange, green, red fruits and vegetables
Lack of appetite	Vitamin B1	Nuts, seeds, beans, liver and other organ meats
	Vitamin B3	Tuna, halibut, beef, chicken, turkey, pork, seeds and legumes
	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
	Chloride	Raw goat milk, unrefined sea salt
Tobacco	Silicon	Nuts, seeds; avoid refined starches
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements or orange, green and red fruits and vegetables

Ana's Holiday

I'm heading back to my hometown for the holidays but, I get six weeks off from college for the break. I'm feeling pretty good about this--I'm going to have more ease purging at home and less desire to eat because of the stress. In addition, cold weather always takes my appetite away so, I'll most likely be weaning cups of hot calorie free tea the majority of the day.

I'm reached the next stepping stone with Ana too because I no longer have to battle myself to stay away from carbs. I can't even imagine eating anything besides my "safe" foods now. I may have neglected to religiously go to the gym this week but, no matter, I haven't been eating more than 2 oranges and a spoonful of unsweet soy nut butter (besides lots and lots of water).

Six weeks is enough time to lose 10 lbs. I can't wait to get back to college and show off my new hot bod, or at least, it'll be closer to Ana's perfection than it is now. I'm weighing in tomorrow morning and I'm so very excited to see the progress my loose clothes have been hinting at all this time.


Cheers to the Ana's Holiday,
                                   ~Noi

Look but, Don't Touch!!

I've had a lot of time to think these past couple of days. For one, I haven't been going to the dining hall as often as I used to. I mainly only eat lunch now, since it gives me enough time to burn it/purge it before I go to sleep. However, although I am happily not experiencing the most hated "bulk" any more, I have slid into the comfortable groove of consuming the same foods everyday. I like it....but, at the same time I can't help but feel a bit bad that I am not eating as much veg as I should.

With that aside, I had to go through the uncomfortable situation of being held up in Improv class. The game entailed that I would be raised by four of guys and held there until the next scene--which, incidently, I was put in the frozen position of being still held up...but, only half way (which was scary).

I didn't like being the only girl in the scene because I knew something like this would happen. However, and I've noticed this before, when the guys were reassuring me they wouldn't drop me, all of them put a guess on my weight. They guessed I was ten pounds lighter than I actually am.

Previously, when I weighed in at 100 lbs, most people were certain I was actually 90 lbs...judging just by looking at me. I suppose I should be flattered but, I want to actually be lighter.

My clothes have been fitting looser as of late. I had to switch to a smaller jean size. Good news? This is just the start of the decline.


Never stop the loss,
                      ~Noi

True Fear

Pocrescophobia, i.e. the fear of gaining weight.

I know I can empathesize with all out there who are in the same boat of Anas, Mias, and EDNOS. We all fear that horrid number on the scale but, without a doubt, we all are deathly afraid of that horrid number rising higher.

It is a consumption of the digits, we are obsessed with the number of calories we intake, the number of calories we burn, the number on the measuring tape, and the number on the scale. In the constant mind game of numbers, our brains are in a never ending loop of mathematics...and it's tiring. But not enough to stop.

For me, I wasn't counting what I burned and I never touched the measuring tape until I was at the point of having a 24 inch waist. I only ate what I thought I was worthy to eat. If I hadn't done any physical exercise/movement that day, then it was a skip day or I would limit myself to only 200 calories (equaling for me an extended prolonged meal of consuming one papaya).

I still feel like this is the case nowadays. The only exception being that I exercise religiously every single day; whereas before it was only 4-5 times per week.

Rena, a girl I knew from my home town but now goes to the same college as me, is a recovering Ana girl. Unlike me, however, she was the Ana with a grip on exercise. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I was to find someone to personally talk to about my ED.

 It feels strange though that we want to go in opposite directions, she wanting to return to the norm and I wanting to relapse. Still...I love her to pieces. If I hadn't created this blog, this online diary, I would be relying solely on Rena (that is if I had made the first move to talk about my affair with Ana and Mia with her).

Pocrescophobia is the only fear I have; I do not fear death or any derivation of it (like so many other people fear). Perhaps that is why when I am faced with the skeletal perfection of Ana, I do not turn away.

Let's keep those numbers falling,
                         ~Noi

The Servitude of Alice

Fingers outreach,
               the    Gluttony   tingling at their tips
      Grasping    Sin,
Your claws uplift
                  Desire fades...
           Giving way to W e a k n e s s
The    Naughty    sliding d o w n  the rabbit hole
                                                          ...But it is too L a t e

Regretfully,
                 This is no
                               Wonderland.

Fingers outreach, again
            Trembling with a sudden H a t r e d
Darkness parts,
       unveiling your first Queen
"Do it,"
        She hisses,
                leaning closer as the show begins
                      "Please me, my pet."
Her beautiful frail fingers stroke Her swan neck,
         "You know what to do."

Tentatively...
            D
                       o
                                  w
                                          n
                                 D
                           o
                     w
            n
    D
           o 
                  w
                            n
Your gullet
           Your fingers travel
"Deeper," Mia coos,
Her     Perfection    urging you
                                      To the b r i n k of      Guilt.

Out the   Poison   comes.
      A lovely flush
Rising to your skin's surface;
                    Yet...with Eyes tearing,
the      Sin       still slumbers in your chamber.

Colorful pills of H o p e
               Replace your Fingers.
Falling further and further
                                    D o w n .

Mia smiles.
          Success.

This is the but the B e g i n n i n g
                                        Of something   Beautiful.

Mia is only the W h i t e Queen,
                               It is the R e d we all seek.
                                             And that is how it E
                                                                           n
                                                                    d
                                                                s,
In Wonderland...
                With the T o x i c L u s t
                                       of Ana.