Fail

I feel utterly disgusted with myself....I caved when my roomie asked me to lunch, even though I would have been all set with my quadruple shot cappuccino w/ soy. The disgusting heavy sensation is calling for Mia. I've taken 9 lax in a row...but I'm so scared it's not working. Ana would be ashamed of me too, I broke my only produce rule and had a vegan-friendly veggie burger---which you know has to be completely saturated in salt or something. I hate myself for it. I couldn't even go throw it up because my roomie was in the room with me. Fuck. I think I'm gonna go pop some more lax....and skip dinner....and skip breakfast/brunch/lunch.

 I don't want to eat anymore. This is how it was last year. I used Mia to get to 120lbs and then Ana took over until I was at the beautiful 100lbs. When I was "recovering," which I really regret because it get's hard to stop once you start, I switch from Ana to Mia again. Then I had an awful period where I didn't care and ate what I wanted like the fat cow I am. My hip and ribs stopped protruding and.....I got my period back. Now, if that isn't a wake up call, I don't know what is.

All my EDNOS habits are coming back and, hopefully, they will keep me headed down the numbers.

Think Thin,
                 Noi~