FWB

I was never one to believe in the concept of "love." I don't know why; my sister on the other hand believed in true love and every other frivolous ideal. I suppose this is why I feel such disgust towards relationships. I absolutely hate them, the mere thought of being tied down to one person is repugnant but...I don't know, I suppose I was meant to feel more thrill in a fling, a hook-up, a short yet fun period of time when people can simply live in the now and enjoy themselves fully.

I mentioned a guy in one of my previous posts, let's call him Kisho, became recent friends with benefits with me. I suppose you could throw us in that category, since he has taken me back to his dorm twice now...and that exceeds a regular hook-up. Anyhow, since he is serving as my new thinspiration, he also is serving as a motivation for me to not eat.

Now, since we both a parallel with our beliefs of enjoying the fun of a situation without it becoming complicated, what with the likes of a relationship, we easily can hook-up without the factor of being clingy or girlfriend/boyfriend-esque.

This being established, I feel absolutely disgusted and ashamed of myself for texting him to meet-up, for the third day in a row, without the influence of booze but, just to hang out (since we are on mutual agreement that the other is interesting and fun to be with). Sadly, though, I have let myself down...following pursuit of the qualities in which I hate...clingy. I texted Kisho and he kept making up excuses to not see me.

I am such an idiot for not realizing it sooner....so, in this horrible state of disappointment, I binged and purged; so much to the point of drawing blood from my esophagus. I am a revolting gluttonous excuse for a person. I cannot believe that I even bothered putting on makeup and dressing presentably for a rendezvous that was never gonna happen. How pitiful!!!

Losing my self-worth bit by bit,
                                    ~Noi