Would it be twisted for me to say that I thoroughly enjoy, and even, dare I say, relish the sensation of starving? Like I said earlier, I hate the feeling you get after you eat--that horrible bulky, bloated feeling. It has actually gotten to the point where I cannot stand having something as lite as a salad inside me. Much thanks to Mia, she really has helped me out immensely when it comes to getting rid of the heavy feeling. I love her so much, her support has been paying off quite nicely, as I now see the edge of my collar bone jutting out of my shoulder.
This is the beginning of my great disappearing act...I enjoy being empty as my disgusting lbs fade away, leading me closer to Ana's cold world of perfection. Beauty is pain, right? Yet, like before, I get to that point where I don't feel hunger; I only hear the odd gurgle of my gut. In fact, I would say, I get to that point where I feel absolutely nothing at all. It's all part of the act, folks, be amazed as I disappear before your very eyes.
Ana has been keeping me on the ball, as of late, as well. I have dutifully been going to the gym, here at college, every single day. Today, I am just so proud of myself because I do believe I ate under 500 cals!! Yay me!! All I had today were 3 double shot cappuccinos with steamed soy (estimating roughly around 200 cals...as coffee contains 0, the rest were from the soy) and 1 meager salad (estimating roughly around 200 again). I had no dinner but, the weird bulky feeling is still here...which I don't understand as the salad really wasn't extravagant in anyway. Oh well, guess Mia can help me out here...
~Noi
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